My peeps

The peeps in my life are amazing, I am lucky to have all of you as my friends and family.

Enjoy the Peep show... it's that time of year.

No joke...

THIS is such an important cause. I find myself passing out the Luna bar shoved deep in my purse to the man at the freeway on ramp, holding a sign with a request for money. I have given out bags of dog food to the lady who has a cute pooch, holding her own sign with a request for food or money - my theory, It's not the dogs fault. I never give money, ever. Food is a different story, food is love, it is nourishment both physically and emotionally. Listening to NPR on Monday, they spoke about how 3 of every 10 homeless adults were in the foster care system and "Aged out" meaning that while these homeless adults were in the foster care system they were never placed and at age 18 they essentially became ineligible for foster care. Fortunately, today there are companies that offer transitional services for these kids, one that I know of here in Riverside servicing this demographic of kids who have the responsibilities of an adult without absolutely any support, both in Riverside and San Bernardino counties and was started by a classmate of mine at University of Redlands.

The link above will take you to the April food day blog where I learned...

One in eight Americans are at risk for hunger?
Four million Americans receive assistance from Feeding America each week?
Children who are hungry have slower emotional, social and educational development?
Millions of elderly Americans go to bed hungry every night?

It is so critical that those of us who are not in this position help those who are. So many people who never thought they would need food assistance are now asking for help from their local food bank. They have lost their jobs through the massive down-sizing's and layoffs. They have exhausted all of their resources. Elderly people on fixed incomes are finding that costs are out-pacing their incomes

Make a difference, every dollar counts - DONATE TODAY!

Finding myself and the happy pills

I know, I know.... a new blog - I promise I am still working on that. Until then, I have to be quite vague in giving info on this one as I am confident there are folks reading here that are, um -how shall we say - UNINVITED. Yes, soon to be ex-husband's new girlfriend that would be YOU.

Any special shout outs to "Soon to be ex-husbands new girlfriend" - please feel free.

So, what can I share?

My life is wonderful

I have lost an enormous amount of weight

I got the boob lift and reduction I wanted

I am having hot, hot amazing sex

I have a man in my life who is kind, loving, intelligent and just all around plain amazing

I moved out of cubeland, got the amazing corner office, found out I don't have to go to furlough and I still have my job

School is great, kicking ass - making good grades my future's so bright, I gotta wear shades

So for those of you who know me IRL you know the truth, for those of you who know me through the Internet I hope you haven't think I have completely lost my marbles and I promise the "real" writings of Kara will soon be available and for the poor schlep (or any poor schleps in the future) who are dating my ex- please go seek professional psychological help.

Some of the above information may be completely fabricated, slightly exaggerated or untrue.

***

I am putting together the email list for the new blog - if you are interested and want to keep in touch, please email me - karabrickel@hotmail.com

XOXO - Kara

Luck... Hell - I was born Irish

Wish I was here today.


I have loads of single chick crap to lay on you.... breaking hearts, blind date drama and an accidental boyfriend.


Intrigued? I'll post soon, promise. I 'm off to go celebrate my most favorite holiday... by working my tail off and then hoping to catch up with chums at our only Irish bar in town.

Wherever you go, Whatever you do

May the luck of the Irish be always with you.

Happy St. Patrick's Day friends!

3500 bucks

For $3,500 you can choose one of the following:

A) Take a KICK ASS Euro vacay (Think Virgin Atlantic, upper class - flat bed pod and staying somewhere super she-she)

B) Plastic surgery- My choice would be a lift and reduction though after looking at link I am feeling much better about the current state of my rack.

C) Write a check (TO AN AMAZING ATTORNEY) in the above stated amount for what I like to call "the most expensive way to change your name- EVAH".

I chose door number 3 today and while it was a moment that I think should have a complimentary shot of tequila and yes did take my breath away - it was also a moment of redefining clarity in a sense that is indescribable.

Thank God tomorrow is Yoga day, my body needs a super huge heaping dose of some yoga love.


**** And because I do have a huge heart - I did think to list Philanthropy as an option however I think you have to give gazillions of dough, on a recurring basis, for it to be called Philanthropy and thus should just be spent on moi.

He may have the house.... I got to keep my sense of humor

or maybe I should label this post...venting, whining and bitching?

There is so much to write about and I don't know where to begin. My thoughts are definitely not organized so I am warning you that this post will be pretty sporadic and all over the map.

I am still searching for a new blog name so I will continue to post here until I can get it together to find *the perfect name*.

Dating... it's bizarre now a days - just plain freaking weird. It's like Drew Barrymore states in the commercial for "He's just not that into you" -because we have advanced in technology, you can now be rejected by 5 different pieces of technology... or something close to that. I have to say that the Internet does create an efficient way to meet people.

The ex factor... I have come to the realization that over the course of our marriage I strived for, struggled and worked my ass of so that we could live a better life, have better insurance coverage, be able to take nice vacations, own a home. Well, if I didn't have to shell out an additional $500 bucks (a month) to keep the ex on my insurance at the County I would be able to take a nice vacation right now. OK, something to look forward to in 6 months - once things are finalized.

I also find it HILARIOUS (ok, being just a little sarcastic) that the ex used to pride and brag about himself being the one who in the relationship that was financially savvy while the home we purchased only had one person qualify for the loan -me, his work truck is in my name and I am paying for the lawyer.

The weather...I know a few of you out there are buried under inches or feet of snow so I will try not to complain too much but when you are used to living on the surface of the sun, it is difficult to still put on a heavy winter coat in March. I know I'll soon be complaining about the heat and how we are breaking 100 degrees but I need it to be just a bit warmer.

Yoga...The very frayed thread I have been hanging by has been strengthened and is renewed each time I practice yoga. It seems to be the only place where my mind is not processing 890 gazillion things and I can find some peace/tranquility and self soothe.

This is my new favorite pose... I don't stick out my tongue though like this chick and my ass is about 10 times the size. It is such a good stretch - Dhanurasana (Bow Pose). Like anything in life, I was not able to do this pose on the first try and I cannot lift nearly as high but if you give yoga a shot, commit to at least a several classes. Yoga is one of those things that adds beneficial aspects to the different layers of our life.

Boost Mobile TV Commercial - Bicycle, Unwronged

I had to share this... how freaking funny is this commercial?

The walking paradox

The last four weeks.... whew, there were good times and there were bad times and fuck if I can't find my happy pills - they were lost somewhere in the move. There are days where I would just like the option to have one.

I feel like one giant walking paradox. I have friends that remind me of things I said the day my world fell apart and feel as though my perception of the situation has evolved and morphed consequently driving said friends bananas. Here's a helpful hint though - don't analyze me please, just be my friend.

Yoga has been amazing, I have been taking a restorative/relaxation class that focuses on stretching the ligaments and connective tissue, not the muscles. It's an hour and 1/2 long and I have come to live for that class.

I can't believe it's been four weeks, time literally has flown right past me. The first two weeks were a hoot - oh my gosh so much fun. Uh, no - actually, I was on auto pilot and the cylinders were not firing. I was able, thankfully, to pull it together enough to *appear* somewhat normal while at work. Fooled them.

The moving of the crap - I hate moving and moving really sucks. Oh and I love my mom but seriously - returning to a parent's home in this situation should be illegal and is not recommended. Once again, I love my mom but she is hovering big time. So back to moving... I rented a Uhaul (cussing profanity mixed with the ex's name - the ENTIRE TIME) and drove said Uhaul to the house where a few guys I hired were able to take my belongings and place them in the storage unit where I pay 80 bucks a month to have my shit just sit there. I need my own space....


So, the big plan for my next move is to pass the freaking CSET and then get a job in either Orange County or LA. Orange County is my first choice because it is just alot easier to get to and fro to visit family, I love being close to the water and located within that county is one of the prettiest places ever - Laguna Beach. Before it became a show on MTV, it was this sleepy artist community that hosts the Sawdust festival and the Pageant of the Masters. The city has rolling hills easy to run up and down, charming little cafes and brings back a flood of happy child hood memories. The cons are that it is probably one of the priciest places to live and the chances of finding a teaching job at a low income school in that county are slim - unless I want to commute.

Los Angeles will probably be where I end up- I've always loved LA. My parents would take us into the city all the time when we were kids. I lived there for a short time in my 20's and truly love the hustle bustle, the energy, the vibe and it's still close to the water. Job wise, it will offer more of an opportunity. Urghh, the traffic and it's just not as easy to get back to Riverside as quickly as Laguna or OC.

Then there is Monaco - oh, did I forget to mention that it was in the running as well? I watched Samantha Brown on the travel channel last night and decided I really should consider Monaco as a viable option (TALKING OUT OF MY ASS,btw) as it met all of my needs and since Je parle Francais, find french men completely mesmerizing and love french food - it's a win/win/win. Last night, I learned that Monaco is the second smallest country in the world (the vatican is the first, I remember that from traveling Europe), has free cable and the only autocratic country. The entire country is the size of Central Park. Job-- what job?


Things I have learned -

Men still find me attractive - THANK GOD.....I don't know why I ever doubted this - oh maybe it was the low self esteem induced by fertility drug blubber that surrounded my gut and brain. I am sure that the jackass I share a last name with had a little something to do with it, as well.

I exercise, want to look great and feel good - FOR ME.

When one separates/divorces, one should be independently wealthy so the mundane details can be handled by staff, while one can go off on African safari while recovering from botox and then jet off to St. Lucia and get daily one hour massages by hot, young men.

I do not need food to be happy.

I always knew this, so it is less "something I learned" and more like "something I am eternally grateful for" - I have a group of amazing friends.

I heart Texas

Years ago, in a land far, far away a twenty-something girl named Kara told her parents she was going to travel Europe by herself. The parents laughed and said - yeah right, you're our only daughter, over our dead bodies etc... The parents and daughter negotioted for weeks until they finally agreed that she would go on a "Guided tour" to Europe with Contiki.

She boarded the big British Airways plane at LAX and didnt get nervous until she heard the captain announce that they were ready to "cross the pond". Only weeks before she rememberd being at the doctors office and reading an article in Newsweek about the plane that had mysteriously ended up in the Hudson. Nervously, she downed an entire 1/2 bottle of red wine and before she knew it the sun was rising over Scotland. She exited the plane finding people speaking her language yet she was not able to decipher or decode one solitary word. Welcome to Jolly old England.

Ok, enough of the third person, I feel like I am on facebook. Somewhere between England and Amsterdam I was introduced to this AMAZING couple from Orlando, Florida. I would keep in touch with them and eventually visit them. I consider the wife to be one of my truest friends though we have spent minimal time together. Always there when I need her and can never be thankful or greatful enough for her friendship. She was the first to introduce me to the infertility letter to family and friends. J is a great friend so why was I not surprised to recieve this from J + B today... guess which state they have recently relocated to? I found it to be cute and clever, just like J.

I know Kate will appreciate this, it's your home state with a whole new logo. Hope it makes you smile 1/2 as much as it made me smile.

I plan to put it on my desk at work tomorrow and/or possibly make a necklace out of it. Do you think that would be too much?

Serious crush...

I think I am really late to the party but... where has HE been? What a babe and he's got two adopted kids which makes me LOVE him even more.

Tina Turner - Whatever you want

Honestly....

The lovely and talented Emily has given me this beautiful award where I am supposed to list 10 honest things about moi. Hmmmmm. Can you handle the truth? Honestly, I think I have overloaded everyone on the honesty and dirt in my life as of late - I will try to keep it light.

OK - buckle up cowgirls, here we go.

1). I hated being a red head - pretty much throughout my entire freaking life - until I was about 23-ish where I suddenly became insanely proud to be a redhead, like ridiculously proud. Did you know we comprise only 1% of the population. Choosing my favorite red head is hard - it's a toss up between Lucille Ball and Jessica Rabbit.

Red heads - Gotta Love them!

2). My new favorite invention. Dry Shampoo - I am LOVING it. Try it.Use it.Love it and save all kinds of time.

3). Tina Turner is not only one of my favorite artists but someone I think about daily who inspires me in a nearly religious way. Seriously, sometimes I say - What would Tina do? and usually I find my answer. She is one classy, bad ass chick and I love her. My all time favorite song is listed in the post abov. I still struggle with posting a Youtube video within a post - urghh.

4). If both of my parents were to pass away I would immediately move to either London, Paris or Venice or perhaps all three. I have always wanted to live abroad and would not mind becoming an ex-pat.

5). Given the choice, I could live off of Tacos for the remaining days of my life. I.LOVE.TACOS.

6.) Though I try to incorporate a funky edge and add trendy pieces to my wardrobe I am most comfortable wearing loafers, an argyle sweater, a string of pearls and jeans. I am a preppy girl at heart and I also LOVE Lilly Pulitzer.

7.) While I am excellent at second guessing myself and have mediocre self confidence I actually get a job interview high and turn into the uber-interviewer. I interview really well and love the rush of endorphins or seratonin or whatever it is.

8.) On the subject of jobs, I have been very fortunate to have AMAZING bosses. I have kept contact with nearly all of them and I think that is a testament to a persons character and work ethic.

9). My all time favorite book is Charlotte's Web.

10.) My favorite road trip EVER consisted of driving from Riverside to Humboldt - the entire length of our great state of California with my good friend Regina to attend our friend Panda's graduation from Humboldt. We had so much fun AND we are still close friends. Regina gets car sick easily and stuck it out while I read the material and wrote a paper on the life of Rigoberta Menchu. The mere mention of that name brings back a flood of memories from a very fun road trip.

My Funny Valentine

The video I like to call - Two adorable kiddos, one sweetie of a mom and one very annoyed brother. I was able to catch a few moments before the game started and taped the worlds cutest kids. Since we purchased the tickets, I have spent the last week humming the brain glue that is "Sweet Georgia Brown".

After I went and got some food and drinks, I attempted to get a photo with my main man, nephew - Cole. Great photo of Auntie Kara, don't ask what Cole is trying to do.

My mom attempted another one and cut off the bottom portion of his face.

By this time, my niece Ella wanted in on this little game we call * How many times will it take to get a good pic*. Notice Auntie trying not to spill her vino? I do love, love, love this photo.

I also love this photo as well.

The turn out was really good, lots of various groups of children - from Brownies and Boy Scouts to a group of cheerleaders and children struggling with physical disabilities. I LOVE the interaction the Globetrotters have with the audience members, specifically - the kids. I think we counted at least 10 kids that got to participate and the game offered just enough adult humor to keep us entertained.

All in all, my first solo V-day in ten years was much better than I expected. I was able to laugh and smile - I think this is a sign of good things to come.

***

Speaking of life - I think I am gaining more and more stability with each day that passes. Alot of my current feelings remind me of the time we received our diagnosis of Unexplained Infertility. It was a batch of rotten lemons and I tried so hard to make some sort of semblance of lemonade. As I squeeze this batch it seems more lemon juice goes into my eyes leaving a stinging impression.

Some people may have felt I was sweeping things under the rug or not embracing the moment. I think that one can (in this and many situations) get overwhelmed with every detail of a situation, letting it eat away at the core of who you are and while the depth and seriousness is not lost on me - I choose happiness over sadness every day.

Sure, this situation sucks and *THIS* is not what I had envisioned my life to turn out to be, but I remember that I dealt with/processed/resolved (and continue to work on) my feelings regarding infertility and I will get through this. God willing - with grace and humor. I am in control of life and I have decisions to make - for this I am grateful and thankful.

Not that I can even begin to imagine dating or another relationship - it's just too early. I do imagine wondering how I will explain my infertility issues and all of its intricacies to the next person I am with. Then a fleeting thought occurs, perhaps D and I just weren't a good match and what if? What if I get PG the old fashioned way?

A girl can dream- right?

10 days later...

It's hard to believe it has been ten short days since my universe has been turned on it's side. I don't know where to begin so I decided to update you on my -so-called life with a list of firsts that made me laugh, cry, cower, shriek and helped me to grow.


Here are some thoughts located at the forefront of my mind...

Wondering how long I could stay at work, one night last week, when faced with the thought of where to go - I had no idea and my mom's isn't quite like home - yet.

Going from "we" to "me"

Killing a spider with febreeze - I know, who knew? Febreeze? (without begging D to come and kill it first)

Not wearing my wedding/engagement rings daily (I nearly wept when typing these words)

Meeting a friend for dinner and not worrying about "getting home" to the husband

Wondering how I was blessed to have such an amazing support system - family, friends (both IRL and in blogland). Thank you all for checking in on me.

Speaking to my RE's assistant who asked me to call her when I was ready to become a mom ( I will more than likely pursue adoption through the foster care system, once I get settled into my own space)

Realizing (for the first time in a very long time) that I have an entire, exciting life ahead of me.

Tomorrow I start my day early and pack the remnants of my married life, moving them from the home I own to a storage unit or to the home I am living in. D and I met this evening to discuss our finances. YUCK and super YUCK. I hate and love money all at the same time.

Wish us luck - er, wish me luck.

One month

A month from today I will delete this blog.

I am no longer looking to become a parent as d has decided to no longer want to be in our marriage. He states that he is filing for divorce tomorrow. No shit.

Things I know... I am a beautiful, humorous, smart woman that will be able to love again (one day, probably not in the near future though) and while the curse of IF was not the exact cause of the end of our union I know that it certainly didn't help. I can't help but wonder what path we would be on right now if we were able to conceive or keep the girls.

There isn't a whole lot I want to talk about publicly however, if you want to keep in touch please email me so I can let you know where my next bloggy brilliance will take place. I will be deleting this blog, one month from today.

It's been a journey, I thank you all for your friendship, love and peace-filled thoughts. I count each of you as blessings and for this I am eternally grateful our paths have crossed.

Really????

CBS news reports the US military warns of the rapid and sudden collapse of Mexico? Because our crappy ass economy doesn't have be freaked out enough? Then again... I heard this on the news so there you have it. Say it with me class - Pro-pa-gan-da. Another reason to keep watching the Daily show with Jon Stewart. Does anyone else have a super-size crush on him, just me ?- ok.





Update on Kashi - some guy named Phil called and sadly they did not offer me CEO of Marketing and Tasting. I got over it when he offered me some coupons though I pronounce it koo-po-nays (it's what my good friend Regina's dad used to call them and it just stuck).





I spent the entire day scared to death to open my email account from school fearing that I will receive yet, another email from one of the two teachers I had last term requesting some report, power point, upload to ecompanion or paper they seem to not have. Ironic, let me explain, I have completed and turned in all of my work and received ANOTHER email today requesting some random technology assignment that I have already completed and uploaded (and not received by Professor Hottypants).



And lastly,

Photo from Perez Hilton

This is my current fitness goal. And she is 60 years old, five years away from being Medicare eligible. Sadly, I will never have those legs but I love that she has the balls to do this at her age.

Smokin Serendipity

Heed my warning.... It tastes (and smells) like an ashtray - totally disgusting. No Joke.

This was a huge bummer as I really love all Kashi products. Have you tasted their cookies - YUMMY. Back to the ashtray rice - It has to be the smokey black bean, perhaps the smokey black bean has taken to the coffin nails. It's rank, it's wrong and I have left a message for the Kashi folks. Naturally, their office closes at 4:00 PM - probably so they can all go to some super yoga class on the beach because they get to wear their yoga clothes to work and do sun salutations during staff meetings and are forced to take mandatory meditation breaks. I' am not bitter or jealous. at.all.

I look forward to a return call tomorrow asking me if they can pay me 100k a year to move to San Diego (where thier corporate offices are) to become a professional food taster/developer/extraordinaire or maybe they will just mail me a refund for the rice. Either way it will be a win/win.

I just wanted a tasty/healthy side dish to go with my greasy, organic ground beef tacos and all I got was the stinky, ashtray rice. YUCK. Fortunately, the Sun Vista pinto beans with jalapenos came through and shined like a big bright star.

***

On another note - I met with an employee who is planning to retire, yep, big surprise. Rarely do I share personal attributes regarding my life but today was a just a bit different. We spoke about the continuation of her health care benefits and she mentioned she used to work for Kaiser. Well, long story very short - she used to work for our primary doc (whom I love) and knows our RE (no comment) as well and then she shared that she was a fellow infertile. Moments later she was showing me a picture of her adorable 9 year old boy who they adopted when he was 2 months old. I typically end my counsels with a proper and professional handshake and for the first time I leaned into the arms of a stranger as she leaned forward to give me a hug. I will admit I wanted to just stay there and cry. Finally... someone, before my very eyes, who gets me and knows EXACTLY what I am going through and here.In.Real.Life. and reminded me how lucky I am to have the IF blogosphere of support. I love you guys.

I'll never forget her parting words to me. Don't give up and don't lose hope, it WILL happen and stay strong.

Once again I feel hopeful that I will be a parent oneday.eventually.hopefully.Godwilling. please.withcherriesandwhippedcreamandstrawberries.prettyplease.

School, snacks and the sucky economy

I am so HAPPY to be sitting in front of the TV watching House, counting down the minutes until 24 starts. I am also incredibly HAPPY to not have to *physically* attend school and am THRILLED to participate via the virtual classroom. Spring I starts next Monday and I will be happily attending in the comfort of my PJ's while not wearing a bra. HALLELUJAH!!! Life is grand.

Speaking of school - with the light in the tunnel shining brighter each day I am becoming increasingly and acutely aware of the approaching feeling of burnout. I went full force through my B.S. program (while doing IF treatments and getting a promotion at work) and look forward to the day where I won't have some project hanging over my head or choreographing our social schedule around impending school deadlines.

While I look forward to being released from the ball and chain that is a Master's program I am not looking forward to paying the student loans *YUCK* or continuing to take the CSET (again and again and again). I find out the results a week from today and while I would love to think optimistically I have to remain a realist.

In other important news, I have found my new favorite snack from Trader Joe's. Edamame Hummus and Pita sea salt crackers. I promise, it's the snack that delivers - hearty, salty with the perfect amount of sweet but all savory goodness and fairly healthy. Ok, there are worse things - I could be chewing on some flaming hot funions.

I know - this has been riveting. Remember my whole Blood and bones, blah, blah, blah post about warning you to brace yourselves as I was going to be going so much deeper into the bowels of my brain. Yeah - well here it comes...

While our little world is comfortable, happy and quite pleasant, I am overwhelmed with much survivor's guilt knowing that at any moment now my parents business will close (unless there is a miracle lurking around the corner), my brother who is employed at said business will loose his job, I have friends and relatives who are worried about loosing their jobs in completely different industries. We revisited the thought of restarting fertility treatments using money we have locked up in savings and then realized what if we need to loan it to a family member or (YIKES) even to save our own mortgage. Fertility treatments seem totally and completely frivoulous, almost like a vacation in the Caribbean.

I never thought I would compare Chlomid to the Caymen Islands.

Happy (Chinese) New Year

I went wine tasting and forgot how lucky we are to live so close to a fast paced wine growing area. It's not Paso Robles or Napa but it certainly works for a cold, wet and rainy day.

Pics from South Coast Winery.

The front area had these beautiful potted plants displayed and we had a nice, relaxing and yummy lunch

Our next winery stop was a small guy on the outskirts of the wine region.

After we tasted, we walked outside and said hello to a few friends. I was just a tad nervous (um, can you tell?) to be near this guy - he was rescued and the owner warned us about his nervous temperament.

My friend Andi at one of our wine stops.

I found this cute "B" at Anthropolgie and decided it would go nicely between two prints from Paris, in the kitchen.

D installed these faux wood blinds and while normally I am not a fan of blinds, these will work until we blow out this wall and start our kitchen remodel

My favorite phrase for 2009.

My family celebrates the Chinese New year (my father is engaged to a Vietnamese woman) and received our red envelopes this afternoon from my dad. This year the envelopes were very different than last years.

Envelopes from 2008

2009's envelopes and one of our favorite sayings.

We don't own a Buddha statue so we placed our big bowl of fruit near our owl cookie jar.

He kind of looks like Buddha. It is tradition to place a large bowl of food (usually fruit) at Buddha's feet in honor of prosperity, good health and plentiful food in the coming year.

Happy New Year and may 2009 bring you good health, happiness and fortune.

Innocence lost

We watched the Clint Eastwood movie Gran Torino today. It was quintessential Clint - brilliant, absolutely effing brilliant. Clint is one helluva badass and I just love him. D has a tattoo of him on his back, he is his hero.

I don't want to give too much of the movie away so all I will say is that there is a Gran Torino car in the movie (not a huge surprise-right?) which led to significant flashbacks of the very first boyfriend I ever had who drove a Gran Torino. Ironically, memories of this boyfriend led me to memories of a time when I was a completely different person. Unsure of what the future will hold and scared to death that I would get accidentally pregnant and pretty much in that order - even though I was on the pill.

I had just graduated High school, most of my friends went to 4 -year reputable colleges and I was doing time at the local community college. At that time I enrolled, I was certain that I would drop out in a matter of days, not meet any friends, just be completely miserable, wonder the streets of our city aimlessly until I figured what I would want to be when I grew up. I joined the S.E.A. club - the sea and environmental awareness club on campus and meet two of the worlds coolest people that I still happen to be friends with in addition to the first man that would break my heart. This club proved to be a great social outlet - friends, a boyfriend and gatherings such as beach clean-ups that also counted towards extra credit in my science class. Win-win - all the way.

I struggled my first semester and often skipped classes to spend time with the heart breaker. He was from the East coast, the New York area and had this thick accent - I loved it, I loved him. We would go speeding off in his blue Gran Torino, when I was supposed to have my nose in the books and head to his house - where we gave into our raging hormones. He was a few years older and *experienced* and I was naive, very naive and thought it would be just my luck that I would get PG while taking the pill. Little did I know I would grow up to be an infertile. As I type this I have to chuckle about my mindset of that time and laugh at the irony of the situation.

There were some really turbulent and horribly sucky times which I won't recount here, not the time or place but watching that movie brought back so many good memories of driving in this fast car and the innocence we shared. Wind blowing in our hair, Van Halen blaring from the speakers and not a care in the world.

Ahh, youth.