Tagged and tired

It's a chilly 57 degrees here on the surface of the sun. I love these days as they are so few and far between, in sunny California. What an amazing week- the inauguration, a new president, a fresh start.

I get emotional when I think about this letter from the Bush daughters to Sasha and Malia and while I am in complete disagreement about the political beliefs of both their father and grandfather (I am really holding back here, trust me) I think the letter is honest and poignant, written from both a daughter and granddaughters view. I got a bit choked up when I heard the letter read from Jenna and Barbara Bush this morning on the Today show. My favorite part of the letter is the very end...

"Many people will think they know him, but they have no idea how he felt the day you were born, the pride he felt on your first day of school, or how much you both love being his daughters. So here is our most important piece of advice: remember who your dad really is."

Has anyone watched United States of Tara? The premise is Toni Colette married to hunky Aiden (John Corbett) from SATC living the American dream, great family and dealing with multiple personality disorder. Her alter's come and go, each one being uniquely different from the next. I love it, it's great and I can completely identify with this character. Going through IF I have often felt like someone who has multiple personalities. There is Everyday Kara who deals with IF on a daily basis in the best way she can, there is K the chlomid induced bitch who rolls her eyes when she hears of another pregnancy in her life and is quite rude with the staff at the RE office. Another alter- Miss K who goes out of her way to host baby shower after baby shower or buy copious amounts of presents for people having babies. Catch the show, if you get a chance - brilliant.

My ass is seriously draggin and I couldn't be happier to be off of work today. Occasionally, we will get a three day or reduced work week due to a holiday and my 9/80 day colliding in the same week and for some bizarre reason I have yet to figure out - these weeks are the weeks I dread at work. The workload increases ten-fold and this week we had the addition of the air in the office is being filled with tension, the morale is incredibly low and our team at work where we are normally quite amicable have been notably *short* with each other. We are all just stressed, freaked out about the economy and very tired.

I am most happy to be working on the computer on a non-school related item. Kate assigned me the letter "A" in a meme I loved and I am no just now getting around to posting this.

So here it is...Ten Favorite things that start with the letter A

1. Anthony Bourdain – C’mon, you didn’t think I would let my ten fave things list escape AB. Why is he a favorite of mine? I find him charming, funny, witty, smart and sexy with the added bonus of loving pork almost as much as I do.

AB walking down a path in the Azores

2. Anantasana pose - http://yoga.about.com/od/yogaposes/a/sleepingvishnu.htm

One of my favorite poses in yoga that helps me stretch before and after I lace up the running shoes and hit the treadmill. It’s been awhile since I’ve hit the treadmill as I am STILL coughing violently. I’ve got an appt to see my PCP on Friday and if he can give me something – anything – you know, lung transplant, cough medicine with codeine- to help control this cough. Anyway, I love this pose and the peace it brings. It is one of my most favorite leg stretches ever.

3. Aged cheese (with a nice glass of wine, of course) currently, any cheese from Cowgirl creamery is such a treat. http://cowgirlcreamery.com/cheeses.asp. On Monday, I met my Aunt and Grandfather at a cute farm where they make Gouda (aged about 60 days). I purchased both smokey Gouda and habernero jalapeno Gouda, both strong and tasty and couldn’t believe that home-made cheese was a short drive away from my home. My Grandfather is doing really well these days, both physically and mentally and we all enjoyed moo’ing at the cows (that always reminds me of The Far Side) and taking in the whole farm scene.

4. Anthropologie – Though I mostly purchase gifts for other people at this fine store, I do love their clothes – they are just not in my budget. I am a *sales only* girl due to working retail early on in my career. I know that EVERYTHING goes on sale and I won’t purchase until it’s been discounted at least once. Our anthro store has a cool little room devoted just to their sale items. It’s fun to sort through the home goods and clothes.

5. Academy Awards – I love award shows… well mostly I LOVE the red carpet, the dresses, the makeup and the JEWELRY and the pre-show interviews. I am lucky to be married to someone who is not only patient enough to stay up for most of the entire show but who truly enjoys watching the award show, hearing the speeches and sharing a teary eyed smile when we watch something moving - like Kate Winslet's comments at the Golden Globes. I am a Lucky girl. Here's hoping that Mickey Rourke will wash his hair since he is now an Oscar nominee. I miss old Mickey Rourke from my raging hormone teen days and his pre-botox/plastic surgery days.



6. Avocados – Oh avocados, how I love thee let me count the many ways. My favorite thing is to take a ripe avo and slice it on whole wheat crackers or toast. I eat avos’ with everything and usually eat one a day with lunch during the work week and they have the added bonus of being heart healthy.

7 Alternative music - I graduated high school in 1990, right before grunge became the scene. I can vividly remember the transition from listening to the top 40's station featuring the hit sings I would love to roller skate to and then listening to Blondie, David Bowie and other 80's staples starting around 1984-ish. Suddenly, reading Vogue, Elle and dreaming of living in NYC as a famous fashion something (I can't draw/design and I am vertically challenged) replaced my roller skates. High fashion became a part of my life when I was freed from wearing the green, brown and white plaid Catholic school uniform where my life as a clotheshorse began.

8 Ashton Kutcher - He’s got good looks and a goofy sense of humor. I have to say I am not a fan of the truck driver hat look, so glad that fad has passed but I still think he just a major hotty pants.

Thank you Calvin Klein

9. Art – I can remember the day that Andy Warhol passed away, an icon in pop culture and realizing that art can impact so many parts of our lives. I don't have a favorite genre or artist. I love going to museums and living in So Cal we have many in close proximity. I have to say that my top two faves are:

The Getty Center (the Villa is ok also, my heart belongs to the center)

Walking into the NS is like visiting a lavish, palatial, Pasadena estate. It's welcoming.

and the first place I viewed a Degas in real life.

10. Adoption – It will help me achieve my goal of becoming a parent

Hope....

I've had this song in my mind.all.day.long.

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by you know how I feel

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done

And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life For me
And I'm feeling good


For the first time, in a very long time, I am hopeful that our country is headed in the right direction.

Support Local Business

D and I have been on a mission to make a conscience effort to support our local business' lately, now more than ever. This statement comes from a someone who is watching her own parent's business struggle. Hmmm, that doesn't seem to really do the situation justice. The status of their business is comparable to a human being placed in hospice. The prognosis is not good and it will be something of a miracle if their business does not close. My parents are working hard to keep the business and their sanity in tact. I worry, not so much about my parents - they are both talented individuals and while there is a sense of sadness and loss at the possibility of them losing everything I know they can rebound. It is my brother, who I am worried about as he is the sole support for his family that includes my nephew and niece.

***

Tonight we went to dinner at one of our favorite locally owned restaurants. It's a long time Riverside favorite now run by the namesake's sons. One son in particular will join us at dinner and share a drink or appetizer with us, he is his father's son. My mom tells us stories of when his father would do the same. It is our restaurant we go to when we have a special occasion; in the past we have celebrated numerous birthday's, anniversaries and other events deserving recognition. The menu always includes unique and tasty special ranging from Ostrich, rabbit and other rare items. My personal favorite is the pasta with oxtail which I had tonight, Duane had the tortellini filled with veal and two other meats that currently escape my mind. It was, as always, memorable, delicious and relaxing all at once.

***

Going to a new hair stylist is like being on a blind date and I never liked blind dates. The last time I got my hair cut or rather trimmed was in August. The last salon I went to is very *cutting edge* meaning.... I had to remind them when they colored and cut my hair not to go to wild, I had an office job and while I love high fashion I was not working at a design house in NY or Paris that would welcome the latest trends in hair.

About a month ago I went to get my oil changed and walked over to an adjoining business, this salon/spa that I went to today. I had some time to kill so I walked in and asked for a price list, the owner was very welcoming and asked how I heard about her business. I explained that I was waiting for my oil to be changed when she invited me to sit on their porch, until my car was finished. So, a few days ago I made an appointment to get my hair cut. I nervously walked in to meet my scissor maker today. The stylist was sweet and down to earth, the salon had a "Cheers" ambiance and was just overall quite lovely. I left feeling a sense of community and an extra bounce in my step. God, I love a new haircut and a good stylist.

The whole hair thing is perplexing to me. I want to keep what little bit of hipness I have left. I know I am no longer in my 20's but seriously - I want to look like a hot mom. Which is funny that I am writing that exact phrase seeing that I am not a mom but clearly identify with wanting to look like and become one.

Ok, not a drug dealing hot mom but still a hot mom nonetheless.

This is my year, the year I become both hot(ter) and a mom.

***

I am recovering from the phlemy cough/congestion/cold from hell. The energy is slow going but gets better each day, the appetite is still MIA. Nothing really sounds good to eat ( with the exception of dinner this evening) so consequently my energy level has been low. I am so tired of coughing and blowing my nose. Speaking of tissue - I highly recommend the Puff's brand tissue WITH VICKS. Yes, vick's - it's quite possibly the best invention ever.

***

Monday is a holiday and I am excited about my three day work week approaching. I am grateful and thankful to have a job but still struggle with being a *retirement analyst* and going to school to be a teacher. Patience, patience, not my strong suit. So, I wait for Feb 2 to roll around to see if I miraculously passed the CSET.

Blood & Bones

This is going to a long and bumpy post.

Regarding the title of this post...Nope, I am not referring to Halloween...It's just life on Planet Infertility and awhile back our very own Queen of the Stirrups spoke about blog posts that reflect the very essence, the very blood and bones of what we are going through. I believe this comment was in reference to choosing a post for L' annual Creme de la Creme.

Now the term blood and bones automatically makes me think of Anthony Bourdain, it sounds like what he would call the meat section of his cookbook. In fact, I just pulled out his Les Halles cookbook and he does have a chapter with a similar name - Blood and Guts which is even more fitting (especially regarding infertility).

The man, the myth, the legend...

I have, quite obviously, digressed here. My point being - I racked my big ol'brain trying to find a Creme de la Creme worthy post. A discovery was made or rather revelation. The problem is that before this blog I had a medical update sort of blog through a company by the name of Carepage. When I started Becoming parents, I decided to delete my carepage. I started a blog to find a network of women who were/are going through the same thing with the goal being to give and get support. Now, if you read my carepage, it was mostly close friends and family commenting in a more structured format. Meaning... I could see who *exactly* was reading my carepage, on what date they viewed in a very user friendly format and while I didn't write for my audience I was sure not to drop any F bombs in fear of giving my Grandfather a heart attack..

So, I say this because- I realized when it came to looking for my personal creme post that in my first year of blogging I was not giving much blood and bones for two reasons A) I wasn't sure who from the carepage audience was reading my blog (yep, I did a silly thing and posted my new blog address on my carepage right before I deleted it) and B) I didn't want to seem completely depressed or out of my ever-loving mind.

To my family members that I have given this link to - please keep reading and feel free to comment or email me. I love that I can connect to you through this blog.

Let me be even clearer when I say this:

To those of you (who I know IRL or read the carepage) who did not gain the link to my blog from me, no longer speak to me on a regular basis or have found this blog accidentally please know that this is my own little piece of Internet community and is my personal journal of a painful part of my life. I will be posting much more blood and guts in the future and will not edit it for any potential audience that might be reading. In fact, I would just rather you delete my blog link from your favorite list and pick up the telephone instead of you really feel the need to know what is going on in my life.

To my bloggy friends - Thank you for your unending support, we have an amazing community here and I promise to be both a better blogger and commenter in 2009.

****

Whew, so I got that off of my chest. Now onto my craptas-tic appointment with the best OB/GYN doctor EVAH!!!!! So, Mel had posted about going in for her annual appt with the *fun* doctor and it reminded me that I was LONG overdue. Yesterday morning I phoned Kaiser to see if I could get in for this phlegmy, hacking cough (today marks day 3, BTW) and my primary was not available and they suggested I go into urgent care. Thankfully, I remembered the other (and most important) reason for calling - to schedule the dreaded appointment. The nice Kaiser operator stated that my doctor just had an appointment cancellation and there was a 4:00 PM time slot available FOR.THAT.DAY. My response was less than enthusiastic and I dragged my phlegmy hacking cough into Kaiser hoping they would take one look at me and say - you are not well enough to have a pap done and instead we will be hooking you up to an IV of grape Gatorade in hopes of quenching your unending thirst you have for anything liquid and Anthony Bourdain will be here to spoon feed you your mom's famous home-made mashed potatoes that you have been begging her to make.

NOT.SO.MUCH.

Doctor R walked in and immediately asked why my last visit was in 2006 and I hadn't been in to see her. I started to explain that I had gone through the infertility program and figured my organs had enough action going on that I had some sort of IF reprieve. We laughed about internal sonograms and I joked that I learned more about my body than I ever wanted to.

And here is where the appt (and I) fell apart. Dr. R is AMAZING, so kind, patient, lets me babble and has an incredible bedside manner. She looked into my eyes and asked, so how did things go with your treatments? It was with such sensitivity and genuine-ness that tears then streamed down my face like rain against a window during a downpour. I gave the list of drugs I was placed on, our pregnancy, our miscarriage, our decision to stop treatments after we hit our personal level of what I like to call "EXTREME BABYMAKING COSTS"and called it quits. She came closer to me and hugged me and it wasn't creepy like - Eeeew a stranger hugging me, it was more like - this sucks and I am really sorry that you had to go through that because I think you would make a seriously Rockin' mom - which in turn, made me sob even harder.

It's that bit of generosity in those moments of falling apart that regain my faith in humanity and mankind or rather womankind.

***

Regarding the CSET, well after a mostly sleepless night due to my phlegmy hacking cough - resulting in a painful, re-occurring headache -it will be a MIIIIIRRRICLE if I actually passed this thing. The test was held about 45 minutes away so I decided to start my journey with a cup of hot tea. The very kind Barista at Starmillionbucks told me that he would have something fixed for me when I pulled up to the drive thru window after I sat, engine idling and wondering what to order. Keep in mind, my voice currently sounds like Ralph Wiggum's from the Simpson's and sometimes sounds a bit like Marge as well. Superfaboulousbaristaguy stood there with a Grande cup of Chamomile tea and asked if I wanted honey with it. It was the best tasting tea ever. EVER I say, ever. I took the test and read every question through runny eyes and blowing my snot filled nose. I am sure other test takers were pissed but I was not willing to throw away 75 bucks, sleep in and miss the test entirely though it was totally tempting. Instead I will continue to pray nightly for both world peace and for the possibility that Obama will ban this test forever or at least for prospective teachers going into special education.

I returned home and was lovingly forced by DH to lay on the couch for an hour and then we went to one of our fave hole in the wall Mexican restaurants where I nibbled on a ground beef taco, cheese enchilada, rice, beans and abondogas soup. The plate was so hot the waitress had to use hot pad holders and the beans were so yummy and comforting ( oh, lard - how I love thee) I almost asked for seconds.

While I would love to just be a lazy bum and lounge for the rest of today, homework beckons. THREE MORE WEEKS and then this term of school is over. I am going to go put on my P.J.'s. though.

***

Is it summer yet? I usually don't like when the Santa Ana's invade us however, we are supposed to have weather in the 80's tomorrow which does bring a smile to my face. YAY Summer is on the way and doesn't it seem like just yesterday I was complaining about living on the surface of the sun?

See ya later sinners....

It's been a day and what a day to end this horrible week.... sore throat, earthquake during my lesson plan presentation at school and the worrying of the impending CSET on Saturday.

I was catching up on my google reader and came across this great video. I love Jack Black. See ya later Sinners.

Here's the link - I couldn't figure out how to post the video, please watch it - it's great.

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

I am over today, I think it's time to call it quits.

Open Letter

Background: Day from hell was progressing in true, expected, Monday style - speaker for presentation showed up 5 minutes before we started sending my deoderent into uber overdrive, retirees who did not make a reservation for said presentation and showed up anyway - went ballistic and threatened to call the head of HR AND our local Newspaper (my personal favorite and not how I want my name in print) all of this after I assured them there would be room for them in the Board chambers however we had to let the people who made the reservations take thier seat first.

The icing on the today cake was when I finally got to go on a potty break and opened the door to our department leading to a public waiting area for the auditor controller and county assessor clerk recorder. This is always entertaining as it contains peeps from ALL walks of life such as people applying for marriage certificates and participating in mini-ceremonies on Tuesdays, county residents arguing with the tax collector staff and all kinds of interesting things and the general public applying for passports, copies of birth, marriage or death certificates. The door opened and I headed towards the employee restroom, I immediately heard three men snickering as if they had come across thier father's playboy magazine for the first time when I looked up and noticed a woman breast feeding in a not so very discreet fashion. Here is my letter to her.


Dear New Mommy:

I think it is great that you recognize the importance and significance of breastfeeding. Because you are offering your breast for your child to sustain life depending nutrients, they will have less chances of having asthma, less chances of becoming obese and you will have a decrease risk of breast cancer. Lest you think I am naive due to my lack of birthing a child of my very own and personally breast feeding I would also like to forge ahead and remind you that I do recognize the amazing nurturing experience that will bond you in an most incredible way with your child.

First and foremost, I am not your average uptight American who dislikes public nudity and know that I can appreciate beauty in all aspects. With that being said, the sight of your ENTIRE BREAST (minus the areola and nipple) gave me two immediate reactions. Sadness, no one has taught you basic breast feeding ettiquette and sad about the enept men snickering at your exposed tata. In fact, I almost said something to them but I had no idea as to how I would start an arugument in your defense. If you would have showed the slightest bit of caution and tact (at least for your child to eat in peace) I would have said something to the snickering fools who clearly don't see or deserve to see a breast on a frequent basis.

I love boobs, I have a pair of my own that are quite large and nice where I accept complements occassionally so I have to ask please - BE DISCREET. We aren't on the French Riveria where naked tatas are expected and accepted. You were in a County government facility, breast feeding your child and didnt bother to place a wrap, sweater or burp cloth and provide coverage for your baby provideing privace while you embraced this beautiful act.

Please keep breast feeding, however, when you are in public- please be discreet.

Breast wishes for a happy and healthy 2009!
Kara

PS - My male co-worker wants to thank you for making his day - see this is how men operate.

Happy 2009!

I just opened up my personal email account and found this....

One of the many reasons why SHE is my IRL BFF.

Happy New Year bloggy friends! I am throwing all of the positive energy I can muster into the universe right now in hopes that we can make it an awesome year.