Yesterday

Our school was holding a free workshop on Step up to writing yesterday with a bunch of wannabees and some already placed in the teaching profession. The presenter was entertaining and engaging (very nice for a class that lasts from 8:30 AM- 4:30 PM on a SATURDAY). My friend L and I carpooled and walked in to the class room together. We sat at a table with a few of our other classmates whom we recognized, to be friendly.

We have a pregnant girl in our class, J, and she is really sweet and young. I can handle her for about 5 seconds and then I want to take my hands around her neck because she will go on and on and on about her pregnancy. It's all I can do to not poke my eyeballs out with dull pencils. It's me, I realize, totally me. She has every right to be happy, I'm just not at that place yet where pregnant women going on an on doesn't affect me. Yesterday, we sat down and started to unpack our materials when she announces " I'm having a boy".... here is how the conversation went.

Sadly, I have to incorporate one other person, sitting at the table, whom we shall call bitch face and this is how the convo rolled....

J: YAY - I'm having a Boy, which is great because my husbands family really wanted a boy and blah blah blah the nursery and blah blah blah my mom wants me to name him blah blah blah.

Kara: ( I couldn't handle hearing anymore) We are hoping for a boy as well, but will be happy to have a girl or one of each. (At this point, I'm thinking wow - I have something in common with a preg chick, this is kind of cool. We are both waiting for our children to arrive.)

J: Oh yeah, your adopting, right? Tell me more about it.

Kara: We are going through an agency that works with county foster care systems throughout the state . Eventually after the parents have given up their rights, we can then adopt the child that is placed with us. Our home study should be approved on April 18th and then we should have a placement by next December at the late- (interrupted by Bitch face)

Bitch face: OH MY GAAWWWWD. That has disaster written all over it. That is going to be a bad idea. Do YOU know what kind of kids are going through the foster care system. Your going to wind up with a crack baby that has developmental delays and you know they ALL have the problems their parent has. I have a friend who is facing criminal charges in Florida because her foster child blah blah blah. ( I completely tuned her out at this moment) but did hear something about "Your agency should be telling people the real side of the story.... All of these kids are train wrecks"

Kara: Well, our agency has required us to go to many classes to prepare us on how to be effective with this process. They have given us all of the information and prepared us well on what to expect and we have met families who have adopted through the foster care system and we realize what we are getting into. Ultimately, we are hoping to make a difference in the life of a child and finally have a child of our own.

Meanwhile J and others at the table (mouths dropped) look like they are at a tennis game, their heads bobbing from Bitch face to me and back again.

Bitch face: I don't think I could EVER be that idealistic....

Kara: (Eyebrows furrowed and laughing sarcastically) And your going into teaching????

At this point.... the instructor starts class. I can feel my face is beat red, you can read my face like a book. I have a difficult time hiding how I feel both verbally and physically.

Lunchtime came and went and everyone avoided "the topic" like the plague, working to keep the conversation to school related events.

At the last break I handed my friend "L" the poem about kids who are different, posted here, and both her and bitch face (who was sitting next to her) were asking me for copies and where I found it. I replied it was given to me by the agency we are working with. Bitch face slumped in her chair, squirming to get comfortable and I sat in my chair a little straighter, taller and with my head held high and proud.

Bitch face started in again on how I better get real prepared and how I must be crazy to take this on. I looked her dead in the eyes and said "This is the path we have to take in order to become parents because I'm infertile". She had no great comeback. HA.... She looked at me and mumbled something under her breath and got up from the table and walked away. Just like that, the bad energy left our table.

I turned and looked at Jill and said, with new found respect and sincerity, "I would love to know how you're decorating your nursery". She went on in detail and it's funny, when we first sat at the table I sat next to Jill and noticed she was rubbing her belly. I could feel my eyes roll in my head and thought I would not and could not subject myself to watching her do that all day long so I got up and moved, next to Bitch face. If I could have looked into my crystal ball I would have just kept the seat next to Jill, oh well. Mute point now, next time I will just go with my gut and you can bet your sweet a$$ I won't be sitting near Bitch face ever again. A message to bitch face - better watch your back in class next week - because I have good friends and after yesterday you have made some big enemies.

I learned much about this experience. I really wasn't ready to deal or face with any negativity about this until we got a child and figured it would be from some racist idiot because we are open to trans racial options. Point being, I need to prepared for this to happen again.

I have to admit, I was shocked. I haven't met anyone who was so against what we are doing. I was saddened and disappointed. Call me an Idealist. I believe in hope, change and making a difference in the lives of many children.

Ok, This is it.

I really liked the sunflower background - I mean I REALLY liked it. Sunflowers are just happy flowers, to me and it also reminded me of my beautiful, sweet cousin Brenna that is getting married this August and has the sunflower theme on her "Save the Date" card.

Ultimately, I decided to change the background because when I posted pictures they looked very sheer and you could see the background through the picture. I know a little detail but it was really bugging the crap out of me so it's 86'd.

Ok - Enough screwing around with the blog.

I will have a book review posted sometime this week. I picked up "Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother" and plan on finishing it tonight (after homework and the latest episode of AB's No Reservations - the episode on in the background right now shows his return to Les Halles to work a double shift and yes, I'm counting down the minutes till I get the Last supper book).

We got a nice surprise today in the mail - our itinarary and plane tix to Cancun! Time to brush up on my espagnol and question myself, for the millionith time, why I took 3 years of French in High school instead of Spanish. This could be a whole other post.

Ok - Time for homework :-(

This weekend....

It isn't a holiday without someone saying.... "You know as soon as you receive a placement, you'll get PREGNANT." Great, thank you because we didn't hear this phrase enough while we were TTC. Though at that time it was a different song, "Oh, you know once you get your degree...", "Oh, you know once you buy your home...", "Oh you know once you go off infertility meds...". The last one was my most favorite and usually ended up with me trying to enlighten the poor schmuck by giving a detailed account of how the medicines I took were not purchased through the mail or across the border. I did this explanation while trying to avoid being a sarcastic bitch and wanting to really say WOW, that would be quite the freakin miracle of all miracles since we just spent a small fortune on these IF drugs that have been produced in a scientific facility that have done thorough research and have percentages of risk and success factored into the product. You're right, I'm sure chlomid is right up there with snake oil.

Needless to say, this comment still sounds like nails across a chalkboard to me but I know this response is a knee jerk reaction and their way of saying "I'm sorry you can't get pregnant but if you do, wouldn't it be just gosh darn swell?" Sometimes I wonder... are they asking me this to see what I will say? My responses are usually polite though sometimes my dark sense of humor wants to come out and say something totally wicked evil like, Oh, I hope not, the doctor said if I were to get pregnant, I would probably die during the delivery ( OK, a bit macabre - but kind of funny), or Oh, we would give it up for adoption because we can really only afford one child or (and this is my favorite) - Well, after having sex on a scheduled time frame for the last few years, we've been driven to the brink of celibacy and have decided to become a celibate married couple. The last one might just make them turn and walk or run away. Truth be told, most of my responses that immediately come to mind are rude, cynical inappropriate and uncalled for but really tempting.

Bottom line, I know in the situation that happened today and sparked this post, the comment from my Godmother who loves me endlessly, would give me the moon and stars and all the babies my house could hold. Most of the time the comment does come from people who care for us very much and in those situations my standard non- snarky response is "Well, if that happens, it would be the icing on our big, fat infertility cake."

**************

My mom's birthday went really well, we ended up finding some NY Steaks and Alaskan King Crab legs- both on sale so we did a little surf & turf. As if that wasn't decadent enough our side dishes included two different kinds of twice baked potatoes, roasted asparagus, caprese salad and Three cheese bread from La Brea Bakery. Here are pictures and captions....

I couldn't take pix of it all but here are the potatoes

I start with baked potatoes, sliced in half.




Next, scoop potato out of the jacket and put into bowl. Add ingredients starting with 2 tablespoons of Dean and Deluca stout ale mustard, 3 tablespoons of butter, green onions, sharp cheddar and some sour cream.

I decided one type wasn't enough for my fabulous mamacita. This kind was mixed with butter, Parmesan cheese, spinach and herb seasoning, roasted garlic sea salt and pepper.



This is what they look like, all assembled.

There was a bit of a desert debacle....

If I didn't have 9 million things going on I swear I would have made a desert by hand but this boxed product looked promising and I had some plans to top this bad boy with french vanilla coop whip and caramel sauce. Good in theory.



After the required baking time, I took the final product out of the oven to taste the middle and make sure it was cooked through. THIS HAPPENED. Hello huge hole? WTF???

I grew suspect, even though this desert was nearly hollow in the middle, could this desert possibly be undercooked? So, I decided to taste a corner. This is picure is only showing the first bite there were two more bites on this one particular corner, after this photo was taken.

Shortly after the last bite, the doorbell rang and it was my mom so I quickly grabbed the oven mitt and hid the corner. This was a grand idea until someone went to move it to the other counter and I was BUSTED. I sliced it up and realized I had forgotten to defrost the cool whip so I added vanilla bean ice cream and drizzled it with caramel sauce.

It was just ok, I won't be doing this again.

One of the best moments of the evening that made it all worthwhile, spending time with this little girl - my niece Ella. We were all pretty tired but Ella took the prize for being most exhausted, she grabbed her blankie, took her shoes off and layed down right in the middle of the floor on the rug, closed her eyes and decided she was done.
We all sat around her, in complete envy.

Happy Anniversary to us!

March 10, 2001

10 days ago we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. Because our anniversary was on a Monday and I have school that night, we went out the day before and had a fantastic dinner at a new restaurant - Blackwood Grill. This is a great new restaurant that made us feel like we were dining at a very hip eatery or perhaps at The Parker in Palm Springs. It was worth every dime and though our meal was quite lavish and rich tasting we left feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.

Back to the big day. It was an amazing wedding, really quite beautiful and captured in photos by the very talented friend Cean. He was able to capture some very beautiful moments that we will treasure forever. We were married at this Catholic Church located across the street from where I attended school from Kindergarten through 12th Grade. The ceremony was beautiful and really special, as a present from one of our good friends, he had his wife who is a professional opera singer perform the Ava Maria - I get goosebumps when I remember that poignant moment in our ceremony.


Here are a few of our favorites....



This was actually a very frightening moment as the veil caught wind and I thought for sure that every strand of my hair was going to detach and fly away with my veil. Instead, Cean calmly told me that this was my Kodak moment and to go with the flow.

The amazing women who have been key players, at one time or another in my life.

Me with my mom and dad. This photo represents such a happy and beautiful moment. Our wedding was really the wedding they never had and sadly, they separated a month later and then divorced.

Time to start planning the 10th wedding anniversary,

we are thinking of going to Paris.

Any ideas?

Things to do

Kate over at Bee in the Bonnet tagged me to list 5 things to do.

I'm so tired (lazy) that I'm going to copy her rules list:

The rules:

Step 1. Reference back to the blog that sent you. - CHECK
Step 2. Make a list of 5 things you have to get done this week, no matter how small. CHECK.
Step 3. Get 2 other people off their asses to get their shit in order. I will tag Ally & new blog friend Barb CHECK


#1 - Get more than 5 hours of sleep. The last 3 nights have seen me burning the 1:00 AM oil and I'm deliriously tired.

No need to post a pic, use your imagination.

#2 - Post wedding pics and write about our anniversary -

See next post or rather post above this one.

#3 - Clean up crap in kitchen and extra bedroom


This will be the location of where 6 people will dine Saturday evening. Hmmm, maybe I need to get off the computer and get cleaning.

Our future child's room, complete with computer monitor from 1998. I'm actually taking it to Goodwill tomorrow.

#4 - Put together menu for mom's birthday dinner party Saturday night

This will be fun, I will take my time and have a full report for y'all. My mom is really phenomenal, she gives unabashedly and so graciously. Here is a picture of my beautiful mom and darling niece, Ella. Happy Birthday Mom!

#5 - Take puppies to vet tomorrow

Shhhh, Don't tell anyone but I have yet to license my pups. YIKES, this has to be done as part of the fost/adopt process. Dogs must be licenced and have updated shots.

Look at these poor dogs, they are exhausted. They have a rough life, chasing bugs, sunbathing and standing guard!

That's all I have, nothing really exciting, oops almost forgot - let me add a butload of homework to the list.

Festival of Books

We are sad to miss the annual Festival of Books (again) this year and look forward to next year when we will *hopefully*bring a little one with us. If you are in the LA area, this is sure to be a big hit with the young readers in your family.

Be sure to hit City Bakery in Brentwood for lunch, while you are in the area - you won't be dissapointed. Eat a chocolate chip cookie for me!

Men that PMS

Do you know one? A man that acts so irrational, cranky and hormonal for at least one week out of the month that you want to offer him an Always or Tampax.

A man, obviously, has no reproductive capabilities (another one of God's cruel jokes) yet I swear they are still bitchy and whiny every now and again. I have one at home right now and though I love my sweet DH he is on a five day "bugging the holy crap out of me" streak.

Let me list the incidents that have led to this post...

- As referenced in an earlier post, we bickered the entire way to our Sat AM fost/adopt meeting until we got coffee and my God, if it wasn't over the most stupid things. So stupid, I cannot recall any of them at this point.
- Sunday - Couldn't find his other green sock and swore that I knew where it was and I had concocted a conspiracy against him with that sock and all of the others that are MIA.
- Monday - Completely cranky, McCrankster cranky pants for the whole 45 minutes we were together after I got home from school last night.
- Tuesday/Today - I showed a slight hint of interest in the I-phone tonight and he reminded me that I NEVER use my I-pod (slightly true, but seriously - I loose everything and I feel more comfortable using and thus leaving it at home). Then complained that I didn't give him a very good "Good- Night Kiss". Allllllllllrighty then.

I might be stressing a *little* bit right now with the final weeks of my first term coming to a close, projects are lining up left and right with deadlines right around the corner. Today, I felt a pain in my stomach I had not experienced since High school Senior year final exam week stressing.

Hopefully, Uncle Cranky pants (Aunt Flo's significant other) will bid us adieu and fond farewell leaving us to our happy home.

By the way, he is a super amazing man. Any guy that puts up with my crap on a daily basis, willingly( hmmm, I wonder if my parents send him a check each month -J/K) and has an amazing sensitive side ( he weeps freely and has a very caring nature). Since we have been married, he has written me a poem about how he felt when he met me, ran across a restaurant (ok, it was a small restaurant) to assist an elderly couple and has supported me through school, pursuing a life dream and held my hand while being super supportive throughout our whole IF process.

He is a really good guy and I'm a lucky girl.