Sunday, August 3, 2008

Back to square one

We had the meeting, it's no dice.

The current foster mom and I did not mix well, I found her to be very mean to "R" and overbearingly nice to the two little ones - R's brother and sister. It was seriously- so sad. She made several comments about how she would want to be contacted on a regular basis for advice on how to treat certain situations. Great - mean person and a control freak. Another one of my concerns is that the current foster mom speaks to her in Spanish approximately 80% of the time and I No Habla Espangnol however Je Parle Francais( I'm not even sure if that was grammatically correct)! Birth parents also spoke Spanish and I think at 8 years old that would be a tough transition to go to a home that speaks absolutely no Spanish. I wouldn't want her to loose the language.

We are so open to adopting a child of a different culture yet also are torn for keeping as much of their culture alive - especially language. There are different items that define culture and we would certainly keep it alive with food, music and her sibling contact but feel that we are not the best possible match for "R".

I think there is a period of grieving I still need to do for lg and BG. I would also like to get my job transition going though that would require me to send out resumes and I've been really bad about that. It's difficult to juggle all of these balls but I guess it's life.

On the other hand - she is so close to be adopt-able, the .26 termination of rights hearing is not set for October, it's September - NEXT MONTH. D and I discussed this at length and though our goal is to become parents we really have to consider if we are the best choice and I fear we are not - for this situation.

What else happened this weekend you ask?

Well... Saturday morning I woke up and found this character in my bathroom.

It's the Brown Recluse aka Violin Spider

I had just stepped out of the shower (cue music from shower scene of movie Psycho) and noticed something out of the corner of my eye (Thank you God for the corners of our eyes). I screamed and realized that D was in the other bathroom "very unavailable" and nearly fainted at the thought of having to kill this extremely venomous creature. I grabbed a shoe and felt that it was just too narrow - which is funny because I have total Fred Flinstone feet, they are a complete rectangle. So I decided the scale would do the trick and who the hell cares if that thing breaks. I was able to smush it with the scale after beating it - at least 8 times. The whole time I was flailing around the bathroom, dodging the super scary spider - scale in hand and yes, I was screaming. I finally smushed the life out of the creepy thing enough to where he took pause ( yes, it was a he - I just know it was - don't ask me how) and crawled into a crevice of the scale and I was able to drop him into the toilet and watch his slow demise.

Now, I just have to worry about him crawling back through the pipes and biting me on the ass even though I know he is dead. Aaaccckkkk.


Ally said...

Kara, I'm sorry the situation was not an ideal one for you to consider this child. Even though it is difficult to wait, I think you are so smart to wait until you *know* everything is the way it should be. Much peace and patience to you during this time.

As for the spider-EEEEEK! I would type in expletives, but that is not nice. Eek will have to do. Yuck, disgusting, horrible, and eew. Here's to a better rest of the week.

kate said...

Even if expletives aren't nice, I just have to say FUUUUUUUCK. That is one scary ass spider! I would have been much like you, only perhaps I would have simply closed and locked the bathroom door and waited until H was available. That is one non-negotiable job duty for H- killer of all things buggy and weird.

As for R, I'm really sorry that things didn't work out right. I do agree that you need time to mourn bg and lg. If R was the right match, she would have been an appropriate part of the mourning process, but bringing her in to be a part of your family when it's not right would be too difficult on both of you.

And as for the R's old foster mom- what an ass! What a ridiculous control freak! I mean, once she's in your custody, why on earth should you have to call up this woman, who clearly dislikes this child, to find out how she thinks you should handle situations??? WTF!

Io said...

I'm sorry that it wasn't a good match, but I hope this gives you time to heal and get to a better place. A place that hopefully has no large spiders! Aiiiiiii! Hatehatehate spiders. The worst time ever was as a camp counselor when we had to pretend to NOT be afraid as we swept wolf spiders out of then tents. (Shudder.)

Barb said...

I'm sorry it didn't work out. :( Are you going to be able to get updates on BG and lg? Or would you not want to if you could?

Just curious how you're feeling and thinking.

Sucks about the spider. Their bites are quite icky.

T. said...

I'm not at all knowledgeable on the foster-adopt procedure, but I don't understand why you have to get along with the former foster mom- isn't she getting out the picture after all? And if she treats R so badly, then R would be better off with someone else, even if it means an English-speaking house.