Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I have some family crap to deal with, I am hoping it will resolve and dissipate. My solution before heading to dinner with said family member who might send me to an early grave was popping a happy pill - and what do you know, man that shit works and it works good. I was so relaxed I nearly fell asleep at the table - but it was sucess. No crying, no screaming and no snide remarks. Of course, I had a total meltdown as soon as we got home which just so happened to be the fourth hour after I had taken the dose. I have an appointment scheduled with a psychologist tomorrow at Kaiser, it was either tomorrow or December 2nd and frankly - I am hanging by a thread at this moment who know where I would be by 12/02.
I know alot of my emotion stems from family crap and is combined with missing the girls in this INSANE way and all other things Infertility related. I am sure being in school full time/working full time and doing a career change are all related to my feelings of being overwhelmed.
Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
- Things I will be looking forward to:
- Using the workout room, the property where we are staying has a really nice - deluxe gym with all the bells and whistles.
- Room Service - Is there anything better? Though we have been summoned by the big cheese to have a *team* dinner the first night, we are on our own for the second. There is so much homework I have to get done so I will be working on that in any spare time. Hopefully, I can also squeeze in a bubble bath - I've even packed some mini-travel candles.
- Things I will not be looking forward to:
- Waking up at an insane time tomorrow morning 4:30 AM so I can be at work at 5:30 AM and we can be on the road by 6:00 AM arrive in PS by 7:30 AM. I am exhausted already and then we have...
- The team dinner with the big cheese - this should be interesting, with the amount (or lack thereof) of sleep. Talk about running on fumes.
- I just looked at the agenda which consists of workshops for most of the day tomorrow, Tues and Wed. The first two days go from 8:00 AM till 5:00 PM. Urghhh. We get to leave on Wed at noon however, my big cheesecake of big cheese has stated he wants to have a group lunch in PS and then we are free to go home for the day. The dope forgot we are all driving in the same car together, to and from (should be interesting). What a moron!
- The laptop is packed, however, it is going to quit on me ANY.DAY.NOW. Hmmm, I guess I know what to ask Santa for this year. I probably won't get much blogging done or read.
Chat with you later in the week :-)
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Tagged by my sole sister Kate! This is perfect for a Saturday - the rule is that you have to answer with one word, very difficult for a wordy girl. I tag the following peeps: Ally, Reggie. Barb and Bridget
1. Where is your cell phone? charging
2. Where is your significant other? Home Depot
3. Your hair color? red
4. Your mother? funny
5. Your father? emotional
6. Your favorite thing? wine
7. Your dream last night? nada
8. Your dream/goal? many
9. The room you’re in? office
10. Your hobby? Grad School
11. Your fear? dying
12. Where do you want to be in six years? San Francisco
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you’re not? Republican
15. One of your wish list items? children
16. Where you grew up? Riverside
17. The last thing you did? Dishes
18. What are you wearing? t-shirt +Jeans
19. Your T.V.? flat
20. Your pet? dogs
21. Your computer? Dell
22. Your mood? hungry
23. Missing someone? Gma
24. Your car? VW
25. Something you’re not wearing? socks
26. Favorite store? Nordstroms
27. Your Summer? fun
28. Love someone? many
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? noon
31. Last time you cried? A.M.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I came home today at noon, due to a migraine. I used to brag about my one time a year headache and bemoan my impending death. HA, well - now I am getting migraines and while yesterday I should have heeded the warning of the pressure on my eyeball that felt like it was going to pop out of my skull throughout the day, I barreled through getting ready this morning refusing to recognize other signs such as the sore, stiff neck and EVERYTHING seemed too bright or too loud this morning.
So I came home to rest (that lasted for about 5 minutes) and then I started on homework. I turned on the TV, so the quietness of the house would not be deafening, to the Food Network channel where there was a commercial for
I know, we all secretly love and loathe Martha all at once. I even have an Aunt named Mary and she is such a Martha groupie, we now call her Aunt Mary Martha. Even better, how fun - to be able to poke fun at your mom on national TV. OK, I love my mom but there are days were I would be able to fill an hour slot of poking fun - EASILY and when your mom is over the top and ever so talented Martha - WHY THE HELL NOT?
Ok, now I feel guilty (Definitely a result of Catholic School) -
Shout out to Sherrie, I love you mamacita. You are the most kind, giving and loving person I know. Love, your kiddo (you know, the good one).
While my brain is feeling less like it will implode it is now sore. From.Being.In.Pain. I'll be back when I am feeling better. Bleh. I mean Bye :-) - ouch, it even hurts to smile.
EDIT** - Thank you Chlomid for the migraines, never had them before I took that IF drug.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Posting will be spotty, at best this week, due to projects at school and then there is the job.
I got a chance to see my Uncle Joe this past weekend and he brought this great NY Times Article. Please do take a few minutes to read it, I like the message.
Make every moment count.
Friday, October 17, 2008
I added dried cranberries and almonds, as directed on the package of the mix for the "holiday touch".
I was knee deep in my Irish roots today, so I decided to use my shamrock liners.
We will leave at super early O'clock to head back to SD.
The finished product. I tasted one a few minutes ago, yummy!
Planning to do to school work.
St. Catherine's of Siena ~Dubois, Pennsylvania - circa 1914
Today, I came across my Grandfather's baptismal certificate. He was baptized Catholic on August 1, 1926 - oddly, my brother and I attended mass and went to school at St. Catherine's of Alexandria - here in Riverside. It's also where D and I got married. Cool coincidence.
St. Catherine's of Siena in Dubois, Pennsylvania
Thursday, October 16, 2008
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EADUQWKoVek - For the Irish Barack supporters, it's quite funny.
I will be moving my Grandfather into an assisted living facility which will have moments of humor (hopefully) sprinkled over a hot mess of a sad day. He doesn't want to go, I don't blame him. He is mentally as sharp as a tack, his body cannot keep up with his mind. He is going to a beautiful new home where he will meet new people, make friends and be well taken care of. From his point of view and the reality of the situation is that he is losing his independence, his cats will go to a new home and he is starting at the beginning of the final chapter in the book that is his life.
I know he will do fine, he is a total character. If he lived in LA he would probably try to be friends with the people below.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Our pregnancy was short, way too short.
It felt like a dream and as quickly as it was given, it was taken away. Our lives can be defined as before the pregnancy and after the pregnancy. As if a filter washed everything dull and grey from the moment our loss happened.
There are good days, there are bad day and then there are days like today (and tomorrow) that will be tough to get through.
I started this blog as an outlet to voice the thoughts flooding my brain and have met this incredible group of amazing, supportive, intelligent, funny, wonderful, women who struggle with infertility in one way or another and have to recognize another emotion I will be feeling- Thankful.
I get overwhelmed with the support I recieve from you all, we have created a family of sorts.
I am thankful for all of you, especially the one who encouraged me to start blogging.
"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
As I pulled up to the shopping center to meet my friend Raquel I noticed a ton of people out holding signs. While I was hoping it was to end the war or support Obama, I was saddened and frustrated to see the loads of supporters holding Prop 8 signs, hardly any protesters, just a few. Suddenly, with the weight of the world on my shoulders - I felt a wave of guilt for not being out there to hold a No on 8 sign. Could I talk Raquel into ditching the movie and running to the market to get supplies to join the protesters. I remembered that I was meeting the person who was the Maid of Honor at my wedding, a close friend, who was involved in a horrific car accident a week ago ( the car is totaled, btw) and whom I have spent little time with in the past few months during our short stint as parents. It must be part of that whole - How do I have it all feeling I felt a few posts ago.
And eat some of this
Sooooooo good. Why yes, I am feeding my cold/allergy problem. BTW, the pain in my mouth was a piece of the sharp unpopped popcorn lodged into my gum line. D jokes that there is crack in the cracked pepper popcorn. We are both addicted to this stuff.
Have a great week folks!
Friday, October 10, 2008
I still feel like crap and it is most likely allergies although today I have an odd pain in my mouth. It's as if there is a popcorn kernal wedged into the bottom lower right, back quadrant of my gums and at times it feels like it is slicing my gums open repeatedly and slowly. I've tried flossing, brushing and rinsing over and over again - even with warm salt water. Did you throw up in your mouth a little? Kate, my sister from another mister, was kind enough to answer my plea for office-friendly remedies that included the gargalling of warm salt water and I even tried it this evening and the other day at work.
So, it was a week. Watching a close friend lose her mother is about the most heart/gut wrenching thing ever and I have to share what an amazing job her daughter and granddaughters did honoring this amazing woman. Her kindness and thoughtfulness was encapsulated and displayed beautifully in a funeral mass - complete with Mariachi's and a beautiful slide show highlighting all moments of her life. She will be greatly missed and has passed on her greatest attributes and legacy to my friend Regina, her daughter Ashley and her neice Veronca. Later, at the gathering, Ashley, Regina's daughter had the mariachi band play "Mariachi Loco" for me after we were chatting about the movie The Heartbreak kid. I love that kid, she's totally got my sense of humor. There is nothing - NOTHING, like live music. Oh how I love hearing Mariachi's. My love for Mariachi music came at an early age when my parents would take us to a little hole in the wall Mexican restaurant - La Chinita, where they had Mariachi's perform weekly and afterward we would crank up the car stereo played a tape featuring Linda Ronstadt (yes, that Linda Ronstadt) singing with Mariachi's, I was hooked. The music of the Mariachi's evokes such emotion, it is really quite beautiful. One of my favorite songs Linda sings is The Charreada. Mariachi's bring me a lot of good childhood memories and memories of Mema.
Tonight, we watched Ironman and it was great watching the magic that is Robert Downey Jr. I have been a fan of his since Less than Zero - he looks fantastic and I am elated that he was able to conquer his demons. It was fun to watch a movie that featured ACDC and Black Sabbath. Gwyneth Paltrow's role was cute, however - she needs to stick to being a blonde, red is not her color.
Work is keeping me insanely busy and I really feel like I am in a good place, with good people and good benefits. Does it get any better? I guess it would if I could become a parent, maybe? I am happy to not be parenting right now - did I just really type that - crap, the Catholic guilt is telling me to delete that last sentence. Must. Stay. Strong. It would just be so very, very difficult not impossible, but difficult (and would probably send me to an early grave) to parent on top of this new, demanding position, pass the CSET, complete Graduate school in a successful manner and actually retain the knowledge being crammed into my brain and manage to put on clean underwear each day. The baby thoughts or rather the attempting to make a baby thought is sprouting once again as I read through my open enrollment materials this evening and have come to the conclusion that we will, more than likely, stay with Kaiser and re-visit infertility treatments once I get hired as a teacher. On the fost/adopt front, we have not heard anything from the agency, which is fine. I have absolutely no leave balances on the books at work and as described above, no time. I guess I know the answer to the question " Can today's woman have it all?" Few, very few and not this one.
Next week will bring me 2, count them DOS days off. YIPPPEEEE. I have Columbus Day (or as the people of South Dakota and myself like to say - Native American Day) off and Friday is my 9/80. Ahhhh, three day workweek, woo-hoo.
Here is my P.S.A. - Please, people, - read and learn about the candidates. Did anyone see the McCain supporter who was attempting to address McCain and during her statement proclaimed that "Obama is an Arab"? McCain corrected her, but still - HOLY CRAP. The scary thing is - she is probably registered to vote.
My favorite song this week - Fruta Vermelha by Apollo Nove, reminds me of sitting on beach and everything that summer has to offer.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I thought my allergies were acting up and this morning when I woke up my throat was aching in pain. The last thing I want to do is speak today and it just so happens that I have a million phone calls to make (OK, a bit of an exaggeration), 3 retiree counseling sessions and a presentation to our Management team. Oh joy.
This morning, Duane (God love him) could tell I was not my normal self and even re-heated my coffee because he wanted it to be hot, once I got out of the shower. He turns on the shower and brings me coffee each morning. It makes up for the other shit he does that drives me bonkers.
I am hitting the Airborne, as we speak. Any other office friendly remedies? Please share.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
McCain - Don't call me your friend (that was so demeaning, BTW) and don't compare yourself to Tip O'Neil. No, I disagree, sir - social security will not be just "be solved." We have the largest number of people retiring and collecting on social security. Get the facts man, it's only secured until 2041. I believe in this country also, it's future, it's greatness - you are simply not part of the plan.
What happened to the top of Tom Brokaw's lip? It has been disappearing over the years and now it is completely gone.
Is anyone else completely CREEPED out by Cindy McCain and seriously how *normal* does Michelle Obama look. I would be her friend.
My gut feeling is good for both Barack and Michelle and at this point I am close to calling our local field office and see if they can put a banner on the side of my house.
ONE, count them - ONE month from tonight. Get out, Vote and let's get the Country back on track!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
That is three right? They come in three's and honestly, I am afraid to answer the phone at this point. The phone ringing and offering more *bad/sad* news should not be a problem as my cell phone has bit the dust, as in- no longer playing the game of life. I get the replacement phone tomorrow.
SNL was great - Tina Fey does a better Sara Palin than Sara Palin. Tina rocks and as far as I am concerned - she should run for President. Hmmmm I wonder who would be a good VP for her. I think Steve Martin would be great or how about Amy Poehler? Wow, could America handle having two - count-em two females in charge? Sorry for the sarcasim. No, I am not.
Lastly, I need to remember (before I start complaining) that I am 36 years old and have had 2 Grandparents (out of5) for the better part of my life. I lost my Grandma Kitty ( mom's mom) when I was 6th Grade and two Grandfather's within the last 10 years. I need to appreciate the Grandparents that are still around and try to be a bigger portion of their life. With that being said, my Grandpa was admitted to the hospital today and his health is declining. He is in need of round the clock care and it's just really quite sad. I've mentioned this before and I'll state it again - I was the first and only grandchild for 7 years and there is a collection style photo frame that hangs in my Grandfather's place and shows me at a specific age and place. I want to say I was around age 6 and we might have been at the zoo? One of the pictures in this collection is of an ape with the same color hair that I had at the time - Orangatang orange? Not exactly sure why the photo was included, but as my dad and I discussed his belongings and how he was going to try to start contacting his siblings to determine who will get what - I suddenly thought of this framed photo montage and the way it fills my heart with joy and happiness when I look at it.
My Grandfather is a persnickety and quirky fellow who oddly and infrequently shows personal affection. This photo frame that hung prominently in his dining area of me was, I believe, his special way of saying he loved/loves me.
Here is wishing eveyone a week filled with humor, fun and love because God knows we all have enough shit to sift through.
Who want to run away here with me?
We will eat bread with gobs of unsalted butter, drink wine in copious amounts and visit Jim (and company) at Pere Lachaise.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
I know - adorable.
I purchased them today - in this beautiful shade of red, got them home opened the package and noticed that they were MADE IN CHINA and they are melamine. Is everything made in China now? I know I can't believe that I just typed that either. I know the answer.
The latest scandal of traces of melamine in baby formula and food was so recent that I want to take these bowls back, in protest. I can't believe I didn't look closer at the details. URGHHHH.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Regina's mom passed, quietly and peacefully with her familia by her side, Monday evening. The funeral mass is next Thursday and watching a close friend mourn the loss of her mother is painful and beyond words. Please keep my dear friend in your thoughts and prayers now.
Tonight, D and I went to dinner at our local Irish pub and raised a pint of Guinness in honor of Irene (Regina's mom). We talked about how different cultures celebrate life and honor death. Earlier in the day, I was sharing the news with a mutual friend Chuck who is Jewish and spoke about the similarities of Irene's passing and sitting shiva. I shared with Duane some memories of Irene, we spoke about Waking Ned Devine and how the Irish deal with death. Then a song by Lorena McKennet came on and I nearly lost it.
I continue to text, email and phone Regina to remind her that I am here if/when she needs me. The school she teaches at (where BG attended summer school, thanks in part to her tia Regina) will hold the First Friday mass in Irene's honor and I will attend with Regina.
When D told me that the Milwaukee brewers have a chance of making it to the play offs (is that what they are called?) and have not been since 1908 - we decided it was imperative for us to suddenly become brewers fans - unless of course, they play our beloved Angels. Please don't make me say the whole name ( Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, yeah - don't get me started on how stupid that sounds).
Dressing up -
Though I am not speaking to my dad (long story/family shit -we are however, emailing) I am hoping he is still planning his Halloween party because D and I have the perfect costume. We are huge fans of the movie Anchorman - He will go as Ron Burgundy (how easy is that, thrift store shopping here I come) and I will go as Veronica Corningstone. Though I do not have the blond hair - I am going because of one of the names they call her in the movie has been a nickname of mine (only in Duane's family, thanks to his cousin Chris) - it's a bit crass, however the first one that correctly identifies the nickname will get a prize mailed to them.
Wanna hint - My last name and my bra size is a 34/36 DD.
Ok - Stay classy San Diego and nighty-night.