Thursday, January 31, 2008

no news

No news :-(

Please send good thoughts and vibes our way...

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Anxiously antipating tomorrow and trying not to get too excited, not be too nervous. I just have to wait and see. As weird as it seems, this week has actually gone by really quick.

We got an unexpected call that our in-laws will be visiting tomorrow (uh, thanks for the heads-up). Hopefully we have good news, otherwise it will be really awkward to try to put on the happy happy face and fake my way through the visit.

Wish us luck and I'll post as soon as we get an answer.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Progress is slow but steady

I have to say our agency, or rather our first contact at the agency is awesome. "Y" constantly updates me, almost daily by email as we are passing milestones left and right. We are still waiting for information to come in yet Y asked if we would like to sign up for the first parenting class that is a requirement for placement and must be completed before the home study. I, enthusiastically said YES - we will be there!!!! I'm thinking if she didn't believe we would make it through the approval process, she wouldn't be asking us to r.s.v.p. this early in the game.

I have to believe that this is a sign that we are doing the right thing, at the right time, with the right agency for the right reason.

Here is the thing, something I realized today. I knew we weren't really in control with fertility treatments and it was up to modern medicine and a higher power. With this scenario, I feel like people are in control of our fate/destiny in our efforts to become parents. I really feel at their mercy and I have to say I don't like it. It adds a whole complex layer to the already eff'd up situation. URGHHHHH

Ok - Got the venting out of my system, now I have a date with Ben and Jerry. They will make things good again.

Saturday, January 26, 2008


Io - This update is for you and the 4 other people who read my blog. I cannot tell you what you do for my self-esteem. Your last comment was really cute, thanks - I needed that. Sometimes I think - does anyone read my blog?

The meeting went well, D was good about not spilling so many of his beans. I swear last time I just wanted to look at him and scream - stick a sock in it, really man. He gets chatty when he gets nervous, I start cussing like a sailor when I'm nervous. What do you do when you are nervous?

Back to the update, it went ok. Borrowing a phrase from Jules, I plan to be cautiously optimistic. We completed their internal office requirements of the three different meetings + time requirements. As far as a timeline goes, the social worker stated that she will meet with the staff where they will analyze our "case" and decide if they will submit us to their Board of Directors. They will let us know next Thursday of their decision.

If/when we are approved by their office then they will submit our case to the Board the Tuesday after, which is also the primary ( YAY- GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!) . More hoops to jump through.

When we are approved, we will go through several training classes and then we get approved for our home study which includes locking up my really nice Henkel chef knives and baby/kid proofing our entire home + garage. After that, our child will find us. Somehow we started talking about children's books and our social worker stated that she was looking for someone to write a children's book explaining the fost/adopt program and then looked at me and said, I remember you stating that you like to write. In all seriousness, I would LOVE to write a children's book and especially about something so important like this. I looked the social worker straight in the eye and said if we get approved, I will write the book.

We had my mom, dad, bro + Sis in law, niece and nephew over tonight and everyone (well, the adults anyway) were asking questions and seemed to be getting a wee bit excited about this journey of ours. I'm not sure how we will explain our new addition to my darling nephew who just last May we told him there was a baby in my tummy. Thankfully, this four year olds have short attention spans and memories.

I will update as soon as I hear any news and thank you for reading my blog!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


Agency called and confirmed that we have our final meeting with the social worker on Friday, wish us luck...

From that point, the agency has a meeting to determine if we meet their own internal standards - then after jumping through that fiery hoop of death, our file is then presented to the Board of Directors who make the ultimate decision.

I'm not going to stress about it.... ok, well, maybe a little.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

My features form with a change in the weather

I don't know why this one line of the 80's Tears for Fears song, Mother's Talk, has been permanently etched into my cranium today on replay. It won't leave and is somehow comforting. Memories of the roaring 80's do comfort me so.

Anyway, we got a phone call from "the agency" and they stated that they are unable to confirm our Friday appointment at 10:00 AM due to some malarkey about an intern needing supervision. All I could think of was the quote from my fave college professor - Lack of organization on your part does not constitute an emergency (in this case -inconvenience) on my part. What's another day....

Back to the song that is haunting me, I think I have been quite moody lately- alot like our ever-changing, global warming, crazy So. Cal. weather. Santa Ana's blowing one day, rain the next (this causes most Californians to drive like complete morons), then sun and something completely different the day after.

Sending peaceful vibes and good energy out there and hoping to get some back this way. I'm getting back to yoga this weekend and know that will help me find some inner balance and peace.

Here are the words to the song:

Mother's Talk - Tears for Fears
My features form with a change in the weather
We can work it out
My features form with a change in the weather
We can work it out
When the wind blows
When the mothers talk
When the wind blows
When the wind blows
When the mothers talk
When the wind blows
We can work it out
It's not that you're not good enough
It's just that we can make you better
Given that you pay the price
We can keep you young and tender
Following in the footsteps of a funeral pyre
You were paid not listen now your house is on fire
Wake me up when things get started
When everything starts to happen
My features form with a change in the weather
Some of us horrified
Others never talk about it
But when the weather starts to burn
Then you'll know that you're in trouble
Following in the footsteps of a soldier girl
It is time to put your clothes on and to face the world
Don't you feel your luck is changing
When everything starts to happen
Put your head right next to my heart
The beat of the drum is the fear of the dark
My features form with a change in the weather

Monday, January 21, 2008

Clinicial Interview # 1 of 2

We have completed our first part of a two part clinical interview for our agency. We are scheduled to complete the next interview on Friday. There was a bit of confusion about this because I thought our meeting today would take us straight to the next step of their internal meeting and decide if they would present us to their Board of Directors, who makes the ultimate decision. Apparently not.

Our three hour meeting didn't fill their 4 hour requirement and honestly, I think our social worker wanted to start heading home to her little ones. Can't blame her, it was pretty intense. Three hours of talking about every aspect of your childhood, teen years and young adult times, childhood relationships with parents and other family members as well as current status of relationships with each other and parents, how we met - yada yada yada. I can't believe D and I could squeeze all of our info into that time frame actually. She actually went through infertility herself and somehow that was comforting.

After our Friday meeting then we can go through with their required office meeting and then onto the Board of Directors. After we get approved (thinking optimistically) then we go through the pre-certification steps which include fost/adopt parenting classes that cover the following topics: Fostering abused children, Certification training, attachment training, parenting across cultures, becoming a loss expert and basic adoption. These classes are held on Tues and Thurs at the agency here locally so it won't conflict with school. After completion of these classes we have our final walk through of the house.

She did give us this tiny morsel of hope and said she wouldn't be here if they didn't think we had a chance at getting approved. Trying not to bank on it but holding it close to heart and feeling hopeful.

Icing on the cake of today was when my dad called to see how the meeting went. WOW - I think he gets it, that this will be his next granchild. He was a bit late to the party but I knew he would show up.

I'll end with a quote from a book I recently purchased "How to Say It To Your Kids" written by Richard Heyman, Ed.D. $9.99 at Costco.

Regarding Adoption -

A recent study involved 715 familes with adopted children. The children had been adopted before their first birthday, and information was taken when the children were between twelve and sixteen years of age. Results showed a slight increase among some adoptees to engage in delinquent behavior compared with their non-adoptive siblings. There was also a slight increase among some adoptees to be more socially outgoing and helpful. The final conclusion was that adopted and nonadopted children are much more similiar than they are different.

Sunday, January 20, 2008


I'll preface this post by stating the following - So my back is out and I'm in bitch mode- big time. You've been warned, this blog is chock-full of cynicism.

So, we treated my mom to a great dinner last night at a beautiful new restaurant. The night started off really well. "D" had his golf glow on, spending the better part of the day out on the green which he loves but doesn't get to do very often. My Mom and I spent time together watching 27 dresses and then hung out for several hours in Borders bookstore ( I LOVE DOING THAT). We were to end this day of faboulessness with a wonderful dinner at a new restaurant, Taps in Corona.

So we enter Taps and who do we run into but a person who found out she was pregnant a week -2 weeks before me, toting week old baby in hand. Honestly, I'm very happy for them and the baby is beautiful ( she is also my BFF's niece, so really it's ALL good). But the look on New mom's face consisted of Uncomfortable/pity/empathy/shock, basically I know she would have avoided me if she could and honestly, I would have done the same. I put on the brave face " Oh, so good to see you and Congrats, doesn't this place have great food, let me introduce you to my mom. It was verbal diarrhea but honestly after we exchanged awkward politeness I was ready to head over to the bar and ask for a double martini with a tequila chaser. Even "D" who plays poker with her mister felt the awkwardness of the moment and was uncomfortable. In some sick way this was actually comforting to hear him say/recognize this.

Then during dinner my mother dropped the "Guess who is pregnant" bomb on me explaining that so and so is pregnant and in a hushed voice whispered the word - accidentally. URGHHHH someone take the crab fork away from me because I'm going to freakin poke my eyes out with it. Just as I draw the fake gun hand motion pretending to put it to my head and make the appropriate sound, my husband put his arm around me, kisses my cheek and saves me (as always- from myself) once again. How I love that man.

Ironically, I have a lunch date with a girlfriend at the same restaurant today and thankfully I cannot think of anyone else who was due recently. Watch there will be a monster baby shower going on..... HA

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I’m a firm believer in many things, one of them being signs. Our first one this week was when my mom picked up our pre-application with the agency that is coordinating the fost/adopt program we are using. She left herself a sticky note saying “Pick up Kara’s baby papers” and had a fortune cookie placed atop this reminder note all day. Finally, as she is leaving work for the day she unwraps the clear crinkly paper and reads the fortune….. A SHORT STRANGER WILL SOON ENTER YOUR LIFE. She even showed this to the counselor we’ve been working with. Thankfully, she found and appreciated our humor, hope and fun loving spirit we cling to in times of crisis.

The second happened today when I purchased a book at Costco “How to Say It” kids & teen version. Basically a reference book on how to tackle tough subjects with children and teens. I figure I can use this in my new profession as well as home, while I was showing my mom this great new book we turned to a random page which had the word ADOPTION in bold letters.
I’ve always been comfortable with considering adoption as an option but it is nice to have these events that I feel are signs telling us we are doing the right thing.

So done with this week -Jan 14

This was a rough one, it was the week I was supposed to deliver our sweet precious baby. I had dreaded this week, since the miscarriage happened often wondering many things, if I would be pregnant by then, will it be painfully sad or does the pain lessen each day? Many questions posed, my thoughts ran wild.

This was the week that we met with an agency that runs a fost/adopt program and tearfully explained why we would be such great parents and didnt hesitate once when asked why we stopped our infertility treatments, this also the week that I finished the enrollment process for the Master’s program that I will start in February taking me to a new career and lastly - this is the week my neice turned one and I knew I would have to see family and explain our new path with some sort of confidence. While the week was full of rough bittersweet moments I chose to (once again) pull myself up by the bootstraps and look at these events in a postive light. By no means was this easy but it sure did make a painful week, somewhat tolerable.
I have to say the worse part of the week was seeing a mother who was expecting a few weeks ahead of me holding her beautiful baby at my neice’s birthday party. Thinking about it is one thing, seeing it in real life is quite another. So glad this week is over.

Time to start our new journey.

A New Start Jan11

We have just transitioned from Infertility treatments to pursuing a child through foster/adoption programs. We met with a rep from an local agency last night who interviewed us at our home. This was an introductory meeting and we convinced ourselves that she just wanted to make sure we didnt have a third eye and knives hanging from the ceiling. D and I really liked her and felt we made a great impression. In many ways, it felt like we were preparing for a blind date and job interview all at the same time. Our mental check list went a little something like this

Be funny but not silly.

Show some smarts but don’t be obnoxious.

Reflect confidence but do not brag.

I could go on, really.

We have several more steps before we will know that we have been accepted. My goal this coming week will be to schedule the 4 hour interview with the Fost/Adopt counselor and start preparing a room for the child that is out there waiting for us

Technical difficulties

Ok - not so much technical difficulties as much as I don't know how these friggin blog sites work. In an attempt to get a new, hip looking blog, I went over to wordpress and set up a blog there. The templates are great but if you are the least bit tech challenged (like myself) - it can be a little rough.

Five minutes ago, I decided I had enough *crap* going on in my life and didn't need to add - "figure out wordpress" to the things to do list. So I will be posting entries that I left on that blog for all to read and then sending the site to the blogging heavens, rejoicing as I hit the delete button.

Thanks for the patience!

Friday, January 4, 2008

Starting the process

After several phone calls to different agencies, we found one that looks like it will be a good fit. I've already completed the application and will submit via email tomorrow morning. The information provided in their welcome kit indicated that the pre-screening and approval process could be completed in one month but usually takes 3-4 months and there was a couple who finished it in 11 months.

Hi, did I introduce myself - my name is Mrs. Impatient & always up for some healthy competition oh and BTW I'm tired of the wanting to become a parent so let's just get the train rolling shall we.....

I will keep you posted as to the break-neck speed in which this screening/approval process will go.