Monday, December 22, 2008


I don't really keep track of many milestones regarding our little angel aka Baby Brickel. I was reminded *accidentally* by an office co-worker (who got pregnant the same week I did ) that it was her baby's first Christmas.

Yeah - it was like pulling a knife out of my heart.

Coincidentally, two office staff - who happen to be pregnant were in earshot as I mumbled something to a different co-worker about the significance and suddenly they vanished into thin air. They were talking about comparing cribs, bedding and new furniture they were looking at as well as the new cars they would be buying. I can totally appreciate their excitement however after that reminder of *baby's first Christmas* I was done.

This happened Friday afternoon with about 20 minutes left of work and honestly I was so drained, it didn't hit me until I got in the car and seconds later, my cell rang and it was my mom. My mom barely got 2 words in before I spewed the flood of emotions while crying. What I was saying was anyone's guess - I can't even recall now as I type this. My mom, who is pretty amazing by the way, reminded me that while she doesn't bring our loss up - EVER she does think about the baby every.

I was happy to arrive home, into the arms of D who held me so tight while giving me the 95 gazallionith pep talk about us one day becoming parents.

It's moments like these that I remember to be grateful for the gift of having the world's best mom and a husband who deserves some kind of medal for putting up with my emotional wackiness. I always try to find something positive about an experience that is completely miserable. I am not completely Pollyanna , I can be sullen, moody and quite negative at times however, with this recent event I can appreciate how holidays are not always the most joyous and celebratory occasions for a lot of people.

It is a painful lesson of both tolerance and acceptance.


Wishing 4 One said...

Sending you a GIANT, HUGE, BIG, BIG, BIG Cairo HUG!

Bri said...

Bleh! If infertility weren't enough we have to feel shitty when other people are happy!!

You bring up a good point to be thankful for things we do have!

God bless! Our time will come, one way or another!

Seriously? - Erin said...

Wishing you postive feelings this holiday season.

It's a great lesson to learn, but I am sorry you had to learn it that way.


littleangelkisses said...

Huge huge hugs! I'm glad that your mom called when she did, sometimes that right thing to say comes from someone you don't expect.

Kristin said...

How wonderful that you had both your mom and your husband to comfort you. I'm sorry the reminder brought such pain for you and I hope it doesn't cast a pall over the rest of the holidays for you.


Ally said...

Kara, dear friend, I am so sorry. So, so sorry. I am sending you hugs and love by the bucketful, to add to that which you've gotten from your family already. I'm sitting with you, even if I am across the country.

Guera! said...

Your mom sounds great and I bet it was good to hear she thinks about your baby every single day. Sounds like you have a lot of love and support.

lassie said...

It takes a special person to see/acknowledge grace after they have been wounded.

Also, you are lucky to have such a kind mother and supportive husband- and clearly they know they are lucky to have you.


Dreamer4agift said...

I'm sorry you had to be reminded while at work with the other ladies being present. But, thank goodness you have a great guy in D, who is there when you need him.


kate said...

Sad. So sad. I am so sorry for you, for the constant reminders, and for the empty place that should be Baby's First Christmas.

If anything, I hope you'll know that (at least virtually) I should be counted as one of those people, propping you up. If I could be there physically, I would. Of course, it sounds like your mom and D are doing an excellent job of holding you up. Small blessings, but blessings all the same.

I hope that the rest of your holiday goes smoothly. If we don't chat before then, then MERRY CHRISTMAS!

lostintranslation said...

Really sorry you had to go through that at work. But 'yay' for such a great mom and hubby. Hang in there.

Michelle said...

It sounds like you have a great mom and husband!

*T* said...

That's tough... You are lucky to have wonderful support from your family though.

Amanda said...

It's not emotional wackiness - seems like you are doing a great job with it AND you've got a great mama and hubby on your side. Sorry the day was so crappy.

CTagsGirl said...

So glad to hear that you're surrounded by so many people that love you...unconditionally. What a fantastic hubby! Wishing you a peaceful holiday season. *hugs*


theworms said...


I'm so sorry for your loss and grateful you have such a great sources of comfort and support.

Wishing you a new year filled with wonderful things.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad you have a great family to support you over Christmas. It's a good reminder that not everyone CAN be in the Christmas spirit, and that is OK.

GreenEggsNHam said...

Like Karen, I'm glad you have a great family support system, especially during the holidays.

I hope things get better for you.


christina said...

I'm glad you have such a great support least there's that!

Cheers to a happy new year!