Tuesday, December 16, 2008


So... we are going to formally tell the agency tomorrow that we are going to pass on "M". Yes, I am guilt ridden however our gut feeling is to decline. There are a number of reasons - let me share.

I have a big plan. Ok, it's not a BIG plan but it is my plan and I plan to make things happen. Yes, I am throwing it out there to the big wide world universe that 2009 is going to be my (and all of my sweet blog friends, IRL friends and family) year. Nothing but conquering personal goals and waves of non-medicated happiness floating endlessly through each day.

My plan is continue working at my job ( however long they will keep me, which is a complete blessing in this economy) until I pass the CSET. Once I pass the CSET, I plan to infiltrate the local school districts with my resume and hopefully sign a contract for the 2009-2010 school year. In a perfect world or my dream world, I would pass the CSET, sign a contract and receive a child to adopt somewhere around April/May so I could quit my job to allow time off to bond with new child and prepare to start my new career.

So - there it is. My big plan, well one of them anyway - I have many. You should hear them. Stick around and read my blog a little while longer and I promise to share them.

Back to M- it's just not good timing on our end and of course I don't want to share my big plan with the agency for fear they will push us so far off the back burner we might just fall off the stove top. Bottom line - I create my own chaos and right now I am in a controlled chaotic state and it's a struggle.

Additionally, we have received alot of information about M and while we would be a great match - he is going to need a lot of attention and I fear that we cannot do that between my job, school and D who happens to be working out of town on a long term job, projected to last another 2 possibly 3 months.

Yes, my heart is a little broken over this right now. D is sad also.

Ok so let me end on a slightly upbeat note and share a sweet gesture of kindness from our agency. They sent us a holiday greeting card. It had an ornament that was shaped like their logo which happened to be broken and as I opened the card thoughts of the girls came back quick and fierce. A target gift card jumped out of the envelope as I was struggling to get the pieces of the ornament out of the envelope and I was overwhelmed with appreciation and thoughtfulness.

It really is the thought that counts.


Wishing 4 One said...

good plan. i think 2009 is going to be a great year for us all! Yeah for the target gift card, sad on M, but its a good plan you have that I just know will work out for the best. happy holidays my friend and go shopping!

Anonymous said...

That must have been a really hard decision to make Kara - I really feel for you.

On the flip side - I am SURE 2009 is going to be one hell of a kick-ass year so I am loving your big plan!

kate said...

Oh, Kara- I'm just so sorry that things are feeling sad for you right now. But I totally understand deciding that the timing for M might not be right, esp. with D working out of town.

I know that school and work and holidays and stress can all be overwhelming, but it sounds like your plan is a very good one. Put it out there to the universe, and keep it at the front of your mind. Force the universe to stand up and listen! 2009 will be a good year!

And if that doesn't work, just give this a listen:

Repeat as necessary.

Jules said...

I think you are doing the right thing. M sounds like he will need your undivided attention, and it's just not fair for anyone involved. I agree with this year being the best ever. I have the same feeling. :)

Barb said...

I have big plans and create my own chaos too. I totally understand. Best wishes on your goals!

Clio said...

it must be a difficult decision for sure.
well, wishing you that your plan goes well for 2009 :)
and that was a lovely gesture from your agency, specially now that I noticed how much you like Target ;)

Cara said...

Those kinds of decisions are always very trying on our emotions. I'm glad you can trust your gut.

Thanks for the offer. I think I will stick around (read: add you to my blogroll) for I would love to hear whatelse you are throwing out to the univerise in 2009!

Andrea said...

What a tough decision. I'm glad you were able figure out what is best for you gyus and what is ultimately best for M. Very unselfish of you two. I very much hope you will be matched with a child when the time if right. ((HUGS))


White Picket Fences said...

The best decisions are usually the hardest ones ...every family..parent and child ..deserves the perfect start. Good luck with 2009!


WiseGuy said...

All the very best for your future plans! Just be good and have fun! Merry Christmas!

ICLW Trippin'!

Laura said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! And I hope that your plan for 2009 works out. Merry Christmas! ICLW