So... we are going to formally tell the agency tomorrow that we are going to pass on "M". Yes, I am guilt ridden however our gut feeling is to decline. There are a number of reasons - let me share.
I have a big plan. Ok, it's not a BIG plan but it is my plan and I plan to make things happen. Yes, I am throwing it out there to the big wide world universe that 2009 is going to be my (and all of my sweet blog friends, IRL friends and family) year. Nothing but conquering personal goals and waves of non-medicated happiness floating endlessly through each day.
My plan is continue working at my job ( however long they will keep me, which is a complete blessing in this economy) until I pass the CSET. Once I pass the CSET, I plan to infiltrate the local school districts with my resume and hopefully sign a contract for the 2009-2010 school year. In a perfect world or my dream world, I would pass the CSET, sign a contract and receive a child to adopt somewhere around April/May so I could quit my job to allow time off to bond with new child and prepare to start my new career.
So - there it is. My big plan, well one of them anyway - I have many. You should hear them. Stick around and read my blog a little while longer and I promise to share them.
Back to M- it's just not good timing on our end and of course I don't want to share my big plan with the agency for fear they will push us so far off the back burner we might just fall off the stove top. Bottom line - I create my own chaos and right now I am in a controlled chaotic state and it's a struggle.
Additionally, we have received alot of information about M and while we would be a great match - he is going to need a lot of attention and I fear that we cannot do that between my job, school and D who happens to be working out of town on a long term job, projected to last another 2 possibly 3 months.
Yes, my heart is a little broken over this right now. D is sad also.
Ok so let me end on a slightly upbeat note and share a sweet gesture of kindness from our agency. They sent us a holiday greeting card. It had an ornament that was shaped like their logo which happened to be broken and as I opened the card thoughts of the girls came back quick and fierce. A target gift card jumped out of the envelope as I was struggling to get the pieces of the ornament out of the envelope and I was overwhelmed with appreciation and thoughtfulness.
It really is the thought that counts.