I do feel one step closer to finding our child. I have to admit, up until yesterday I really was "preparing myself" for other options and avenues to explore. I think this is my defense mechanism and way I keep hopeful- there is always an alternative. Now, I'm back on board and feeling like the fost/adopt program is going to be a sure thing.
The social worker has repeatedely reminded me that she is certain the Board will reccomend that I MUST go to counseling for my miscarriage. I find this silly, I had plenty, P- LENTY of peer counseling and came to resolve my feelings for our lost little one. Don't get me wrong, I will think of that sweet baby every day of my life but I know that there is another angel looking over us and I find it comforting. My other worry is that the Board is going to decline our request until I finish my career transition and obtain a teaching contract. Let's hope this doesnt happen, I cannot imagine waiting any longer.
Ok, one more thing to vent about. This week I went back to school, nothing like the smell of fresh sharpened pencils and blank notebooks. I've always enjoyed the first day of school - always and the introduction portion is one of my very favorite parts. After experiencing infertility, I feel like it is some label that I have admit to and I can hear it play out in my mind " Hi, my name is Kara and I'm infertile". The first class on Monday had us listing our favorite color (mine is pink, this changes daily - tomorrow it could be black), favorite vacation ( I was 25 and went to Europe on a crazy 10 country- 12 day Contiki, singles only adventure) next item was to say our favorite subject (history/poilitical science) , a nickname ( red, due to my red hair) and last was a secret - mine is that I still have a book I "borrowed" from the library in 7th grade and never returned. So, it was pretty interesting.
Two nights later, same students, different teacher and a whole new set of questions - now we have to state our name, what grade we want to teach, if we are married and state whether or not we have children. AWKARD...... really, when did talking about kids become required introduction material and shouldnt we as teachers be sensitive to people who might not be able to have children. Oh, I hate feeling this way but sometimes the insensitivity of the world blows me away, after it punches me in the gut. So I got to hear about the girl who got pregnant on her honeymoon ( not exagerating at girl- either), the mom who had three children and was pregnant with her fourth and said it was an accident - Really lady, uh guess what, your unborn child just heard you call it an accident -BI-OTCH. Then came my turn and I gave the stats and while I wanted to give the whole history of our infertility trials and tribulations in an effort to make the others feel awkard I decided to state that we were expecting a child as well -sometime within the next year through a local agency that provides a fost/adopt placement program.
I've come to the determination that teachers choose the personal items in thier life they find important subjects that are most important to them in thier lives. Case in point, the whole nickname thing on the first night of class - the teacher who chose that had this 20 minute story about a nickname her father gave her the day she was born no biggie - it was important to her. The second teacher had three children who are all brilliant (aren't everyones children brillant???) thus the whole - please state how many children you have thing.
Ok - I think I've beat this horse enough.