Sunday, March 30, 2008


Our school was holding a free workshop on Step up to writing yesterday with a bunch of wannabees and some already placed in the teaching profession. The presenter was entertaining and engaging (very nice for a class that lasts from 8:30 AM- 4:30 PM on a SATURDAY). My friend L and I carpooled and walked in to the class room together. We sat at a table with a few of our other classmates whom we recognized, to be friendly.

We have a pregnant girl in our class, J, and she is really sweet and young. I can handle her for about 5 seconds and then I want to take my hands around her neck because she will go on and on and on about her pregnancy. It's all I can do to not poke my eyeballs out with dull pencils. It's me, I realize, totally me. She has every right to be happy, I'm just not at that place yet where pregnant women going on an on doesn't affect me. Yesterday, we sat down and started to unpack our materials when she announces " I'm having a boy".... here is how the conversation went.

Sadly, I have to incorporate one other person, sitting at the table, whom we shall call bitch face and this is how the convo rolled....

J: YAY - I'm having a Boy, which is great because my husbands family really wanted a boy and blah blah blah the nursery and blah blah blah my mom wants me to name him blah blah blah.

Kara: ( I couldn't handle hearing anymore) We are hoping for a boy as well, but will be happy to have a girl or one of each. (At this point, I'm thinking wow - I have something in common with a preg chick, this is kind of cool. We are both waiting for our children to arrive.)

J: Oh yeah, your adopting, right? Tell me more about it.

Kara: We are going through an agency that works with county foster care systems throughout the state . Eventually after the parents have given up their rights, we can then adopt the child that is placed with us. Our home study should be approved on April 18th and then we should have a placement by next December at the late- (interrupted by Bitch face)

Bitch face: OH MY GAAWWWWD. That has disaster written all over it. That is going to be a bad idea. Do YOU know what kind of kids are going through the foster care system. Your going to wind up with a crack baby that has developmental delays and you know they ALL have the problems their parent has. I have a friend who is facing criminal charges in Florida because her foster child blah blah blah. ( I completely tuned her out at this moment) but did hear something about "Your agency should be telling people the real side of the story.... All of these kids are train wrecks"

Kara: Well, our agency has required us to go to many classes to prepare us on how to be effective with this process. They have given us all of the information and prepared us well on what to expect and we have met families who have adopted through the foster care system and we realize what we are getting into. Ultimately, we are hoping to make a difference in the life of a child and finally have a child of our own.

Meanwhile J and others at the table (mouths dropped) look like they are at a tennis game, their heads bobbing from Bitch face to me and back again.

Bitch face: I don't think I could EVER be that idealistic....

Kara: (Eyebrows furrowed and laughing sarcastically) And your going into teaching????

At this point.... the instructor starts class. I can feel my face is beat red, you can read my face like a book. I have a difficult time hiding how I feel both verbally and physically.

Lunchtime came and went and everyone avoided "the topic" like the plague, working to keep the conversation to school related events.

At the last break I handed my friend "L" the poem about kids who are different, posted here, and both her and bitch face (who was sitting next to her) were asking me for copies and where I found it. I replied it was given to me by the agency we are working with. Bitch face slumped in her chair, squirming to get comfortable and I sat in my chair a little straighter, taller and with my head held high and proud.

Bitch face started in again on how I better get real prepared and how I must be crazy to take this on. I looked her dead in the eyes and said "This is the path we have to take in order to become parents because I'm infertile". She had no great comeback. HA.... She looked at me and mumbled something under her breath and got up from the table and walked away. Just like that, the bad energy left our table.

I turned and looked at Jill and said, with new found respect and sincerity, "I would love to know how you're decorating your nursery". She went on in detail and it's funny, when we first sat at the table I sat next to Jill and noticed she was rubbing her belly. I could feel my eyes roll in my head and thought I would not and could not subject myself to watching her do that all day long so I got up and moved, next to Bitch face. If I could have looked into my crystal ball I would have just kept the seat next to Jill, oh well. Mute point now, next time I will just go with my gut and you can bet your sweet a$$ I won't be sitting near Bitch face ever again. A message to bitch face - better watch your back in class next week - because I have good friends and after yesterday you have made some big enemies.

I learned much about this experience. I really wasn't ready to deal or face with any negativity about this until we got a child and figured it would be from some racist idiot because we are open to trans racial options. Point being, I need to prepared for this to happen again.

I have to admit, I was shocked. I haven't met anyone who was so against what we are doing. I was saddened and disappointed. Call me an Idealist. I believe in hope, change and making a difference in the lives of many children.


Io said...

Yargh. I just wrote a comment and deleted it accidentally...
I would have probably hit bitch face in the face. Because I am violent like that. Next time, if she says how hard fostering is and how she wouldn't do it, you should say, "I'm sorry you aren't able to handle children. Are you sure about teaching as a career path? Also, I assume you won't be having any children of your own, since with your genes, well...they might end up being quite special themselves."

Well, maybe you can just imagine yourself saying it. Maybe just be really haughty around her and when she starts instead of responding verbally, just smile and go "mmm!" After a couple of non-verbal responses from you I bet she'll shut the f up.

Or we could go back to my original idea and I can hit her for you.

Jules said...

Jesus Christ! I can't even imagine anyone so insensitive! O_O

I like how she slithered away after you made the infertile comment, and your teaching comeback was priceless! People like that count on those around them to be shocked silent by their forwardness--although I'm sure they take the silence to be affirmation that they are right...about everything.

I say next time you call it like you see it, "I think you might be trying to be helpful, but really I find you forward, rude, and discouraging."

p.s. I am dying to know what she mumbled under her breath!

Kara said...

Io- Don't you HATE when that happens, I accidentally delete posts all the time. Drives me nuts.

I hear you about the violence, inflicting physical pain would have been so gratifying until they kicked me out of school and decided that I should never become a teacher. Believe it or not, BF has a 15 year old son, I shudder to think of what satan's spawn must be like?

Jules - It was funny, when she walked away mumbling I sat there with a smile and was talking to J about her nursery. If I read her body language correctly, BF was pissed that I had thrown out the IF information and I really think she just didnt know how to respond. I would like to think she felt bad but that would indicate that she had a heart which I'm pretty sure she doesnt.

Thank you both for the support!

Emily said...

Yeowsa!! What a stoopid insensitive biotch. Let's hope she realized how far she put her foot up her arse after your response. So very proud of you for being so strong!!

ChelleBez said...

Some people are just complete asses, and that girl is proof. She was talking about something she had no knowledge of. That girl needs to learn to shut her self-centered mouth and think about what she is saying to other people before she says it. Of course, it sounds like that is asking too much. In her head, someone made her the foremost authority on adoption.

Of course, my response would have been to ask if she was adopted. >:D

Amanda said...

i think i might have hit her too. your verbal slapdown was a good one though :-)

she really is a bitch.

Barb said...

AAAAAAAAARGH ACK! We have had that reaction, but not such a violent one. Both my aunt and my grandmother are very against us doing this. My grandmother wants us to find "a girl who's in trouble" through our doctor. ummm. ok. It's not 1950.

Jules said...

My grandmother wants us to find "a girl who's in trouble" through our doctor. ummm. ok. It's not 1950.

Oh my, that made me laugh out loud! Mainly because that sounds like exactly what my mother would say.

Ally said...

Kara, that sucks. What a horrible way to spend your Saturday workshop!

I admire your restraint and your adult behavior in dealing with bitchface. I am with Io. I would've bitchslapped bitchface. Or at least kicked her really hard in the leg. Or thrown a fork from the luncheon in her eye. Or something.

Kara said...

You all rock.

It is because of the support you give me (and the fear of being someone's prison bitch) that I'm able to buy an oozi and head to the top of a tall building.

Ok - that made me sound a little unstable but the point is that you are all amazing and help me through these crap-tacular moments of life.

I have to second what Jules said about Barb's response. The "finding a girl in trouble" comment had me in stiches as well. My mom had suggested a version of that - She wanted me to call the priest that married Duane and I and explain our situation. She was certain that he would know "a girl in trouble", since he was promoted to the assistant to the bishop of our diocese. Don't get me started on how we had a 20 minute convo about how why is it the girl that is in trouble?Getting pregnant isn't a solo project - what about the guy??

Urghhh - Don't get me started.