Thursday, July 31, 2008

Closing one chapter and starting another

Sometime - late last night, it dawned on me that we were doing the last's. The last bubble bath, the last kiss good night, the last "just one more story".

The last's continued this morning...last breakfast, last time I did their hair and last car ride.

This will an ongoing essay of how the day went today.

6:45 AM - dropped off girls at my sister-in-law's house. My stinky little brother who is a terd surprised me and waited to say good by to the girls. Yep - I cried.

8:10 AM - Agency phoned and wanted to know why we weren't at our house because they are there to pick up Isabelle. My response was "At my sister-in law's where they are, every day?" Not happy with agency. I need to remember that they are not Nordstrom's and concerned about how I feel about the "experience".

8:40 AM - Wondering if we could just fast forward through today and skip right to tomorrow.

8:46 AM - Happy (is that bad/wrong) that I get to sleep in tomorrow until 5:45 and only be responsible for getting myself ready. Crap - just remembered I have to be at work early so I guess I need to wake up at 5:15 AM after all. Oh, but I get to sleep in Saturday - nope, have to drive to LA for school and then to Duane's 20 year high school reunion at Bolsa Chica Beach. Oh, Sunday when we are in Huntington Beach I can sleep in - hopefully.

9:02 AM - told by direct supervisor that I will spend September 11 at a job fair in PALM SPRINGS - YEAH!!!!! I love that city. Unfortunately, I will have to high tail it out of there as soon as it ends so I can make it to school that night. Still - it's always nice to get out of the office and get away and get away to PS - even if it's going to the convention center and not the Parker.

10:06 AM - Cell phone rang and agency said the judge has issued immediate reunification. I went to say good-bye and a little piece of my heart is broken. Duane is a mess.

12:58 PM - We are going out to dinner, Duane was cute - he just called and asked me out on a date. J - can we do retail therapy next week?

Thank you everyone for your love and support during lice-gate 2008, you all kept this foster mommy sane when she wanted to pull her hair out.



kate said...

Oh, I'm crying for you. I know how gutwrenching this time has been for you, and I know how incredibly sad you must be, and I'm just so sorry that it has to be this way.

I'm so sad.

I mean, I'm so glad that the girls got to have even a few moments of their life in a sane, and stable and loving environment, but I'm sad that their reunification has to come at an emotional cost to you.

You are a queen among us. Stronger than I'll ever be. I wouldn't have even taken the chance in the first place. I know that you set out to be a parent, not a martyr, but all the same, I am so glad that there are selfless people like you in this world to care for kids in situations like this.

Sigh. This too shall pass. Tomorrow is another day. Things will get better. They just will.

Ally said...

Oh, Kara, bless your heart. I am just so sad to read this post. I know you have left an indelible mark on those little girls, but I am so sorry they are leaving you now.

I'll be thinking about you a lot this weekend and sending warm fuzzies your way. I wish I could do more.

Take care of yourself this weekend. Many hugs to you.

Io said...

Kara, I am sitting here crying. I am glad that you will be able to close this chapter and move on, but oh. Oh, I know how much it must hurt. ::hug::

Jules said...


Bri said...

I'm so sorry Kara! I hope you find peace in knowing that for a little while, you provided much needed support for those girls and they will be forever changed. I hope you have fun on your date! Hugs!

Amanda said...

I'm so sorry, Kara. Thank you for being a soft place to land when those girls needed it most. I can tell how much you love them.

Wish I had magic words. Big hugs!

Emily said...

Oh Kara I'm so so sorry. I'm crying too. I can't even imagine how you are feeling. I wish I had some magic words to wipe away the pain. You are amazing and you probably have no idea what an incredible impact you've had on these girls. You've shown them another way - a way that doesn't repeat what their parents have done... I am wishing you so much love and healing and hugs and am opening a bottle of wine and toasting you!!!

Maddie's Mom said...

My heart is just breaking for you. I'm so sorry. But it is wonderful that you were there for the girls. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

katd said...

My heart feels broken for you. It has been amazing to go through this with you, and the girls will always carry you with them. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

soapchick said...

Sort of long time reader, first time commenter. So sorry for your pain, you've done an amazing job for those little girls. I know your heart is hurting, but it will get better. Unfortunately I feel the most pain for those little girls - they don't have a chance now that they've been sent back to their birth parents. You are in my thoughts and I hope you and your hubby can comfort each other during this difficult time.