Saturday, July 12, 2008's just so daily

My self portrait and yes I've got the crazy eyes going.
Feeling...tired, overwhelmed and cranky - you've been warned.

I'm fighting something - the blues combined with a chest cold. I know the blues are from the impending reunification and I felt like if I talked about it (which I did alot of this week, apparently) the more I would be mentally and emotionally prepared. Not.So.Much. I 'm also coughing, watery eyes, sinus pressure/drainage which are all allergy related symptoms.

I FINALLY got to enjoy my 9/80 Friday off and was home in the morning and as I was uploading my resume stuff into Ed-Join the phone rang. It was the social worker's boss (as the social worker and I share the same 9/80) and he was polite yet extremely casual (which was disappointing, but whatever). He let me know right away that the birth parents were told by big girl during one of the phone calls that week - either Tuesday or Thursday, regarding her last day of summer school program ( a cute little sing-song dance thingy). Instantly, I'm infuriated because I just found out about said program 2 days prior from my sister in law(Big girl had mentioned it to her and she confirmed when she picked her up from school the next day). SW boss called to ask me if it would be OK if the parents attended, I said No. I explained to him that Big girl had a very emotional week (cried a few times at bed time which she has never done before) and mentioned that since our job was to provide her with stability that whenever there is a change in her schedule we give her as much advance warning as possible. I also mentioned that the birth parents had two opportunities to attend school related functions ( SST meeting to prepare for impending IEP and award ceremony) and had not attended. He was unaware (thank you worthless agency, I'm glad I'm writing those weekly reports) and in agreement that it would not be wise which caught me as strange because we all remember how everything went down for the 4th of July. I swear I feel like they are just screwing with my head. I'm ready to get off of the crazy train and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The program was cute though I was literally on the edge of my chair waiting for the birth parents to walk in the room and D was at work with no chance of getting to the program. Once it was over, I dropped Big girl off at my sister in law's with little girl and my niece where they had a nice lunch and I continued on with my day.

I didn't manage my time well the rest of the day and have no regrets - I needed a very relaxed non-intense day. I had a nice long lunch with my good friend Regina where we spent the better part of the time running down memory lane, when we worked in politics - that was a seriously good time in my life. We came to the conclusion that we were not the perky, bright-eyed, Pollyanna's we once were and tried to find out when we became bitter and jaded. I blame mine on the infertility. She was preparing for her daughter's birthday and she is really an amazing mom, the kind of mom that takes in her brothers and sisters kids so they will get back on track and find their way in life. It's funny how we became friends, I was dating my very first serious boyfriend during my first year at Community college and he had these two good friend girls, Regina and Panda. We would all hang out together and eventually we started doing things and going places -just the three of us. Essentially, when he broke up with me and crushed my fragile heart his friend girls were no longer wanting to be his friends, so I got his two closest friends in the separation. If I had to go through that hell again to have two amazing friends, I would do it in a hot second. Oh, those were the days.

After lunch, I went on had my eyebrows shaped, waxed, upper lip and Santa Claus like beard removed from my chin. I might be exaggerating a bit. Afterward, I went home to get ready for our 4:00 PM meeting with the agency. I must have been moving at a snails pace because it took me all day long to do those three things mentioned above.
The agency came by later for it's weekly visit and I continue to be disappointed with everything that comes out of our new case manager's mouth. She's new and a foster parent herself but recently had a baby via IVF so at least I won't have to deal with the agency director who in one of her less than stellar moments stated that we should "enjoy" our time without the girls while they are on their birth parent visit and try for one of our own. I couldn't even respond, I think I just stood there looking at her thinking -well, she clearly has not read our file. Another moment that irked the ever loving crap out of me was when she giggled after she asked me if Big girl had been to a therapist. I said - Excuse me, what is so funny and she got a bit nervous. She said, Well, that has been such a challenge... I responded with " Not really, the therapist who the county recommended doesn't want to see her because of schedule conflicts and now there isn't anyone who wants to get this girl some counseling. I don't think there is anything funny about the situation. New case manager stated that she will call the social worker, Oh good - because we all know how on the ball she is...... URGHHHHHHHH. The best part was new case manager's opionion of my choice of saying no to parents, she stated that since we were headed toward reunification that I should have let the parents attend. I bit my lip (and tongue) fighting back tears and choked out the following statement " We'll they will have the rest of these girls lives to participate in school events". She had no reply.
Today was nice, we watched the latest National Treasure movie- it was just OK and Meet the Spartans (D's choice), both were silly and shallow which was what we were looking for. We went to lunch at Yardhouse, which is always nice and then to the Verizon store to find some not so lame ear piece, bluetooth thingy's that don't make us look like complete idiots. California passed a law that went into effect July 1st, stating that no one could be driving while on the phone which is lame because we are still going to need to take our eyes off of the road to dial the number but whatever. Afterward, we walked over the 99 cent store, D had never been. He was amazed that we walked out with six bags for $34 dollars. Our purchase included the following items: envelopes, concentrated windshield cleaner, 6 bottles of liquid smoke (for D's beef jerky) , three children's books and some other random crap that I'm sure we didn't need but felt like we did while we were there. Oh, my god - I almost forgot, I bought a bottle of wine. YES, at the 99 cent store, we were dying because it's an Argentinia Malbec. Malbec is a lost varietal found by the Rothschild family that up until 5 years ago you never saw on the shelf. While we are always looking for a deal on a decent bottle of wine, between 10-15 bucks will usually do the trick - 99 cents just seemed ridiculous. I will have a full report after trying it tomorrow night.

I took a nap today, it was nice once I finally went to sleep - I kept waking up from coughing. I'm now in my favorite PJ's, they are pink with Kelly green turtles and they were tres inexpensive from Tar-jay. Gawd, I love that store... Io, I know you are a fan of the bulls eye as well.

I found our hotels for our vaction to San Francisco and will book them tomorrow. I'm so looking forward to the get-away and B's wedding.


kate said...

Ah, FINALLY! I tried to comment on this earlier, but the comment-window-thingy wouldn't pop up.

Man, I want to travel! I'm so missing it right now.

Heh. Yeah, I need to get my Brook-Shields-brows tamed a bit. But I still haven't found a place locally that does it without charging ridiculously large amounts. Oh, well.

I'm glad (but confused) that the authorities seem to be paying a bit more attention to what you say, even if they ignore the weekly reports, etc. I know it will be emotional, and those girls will always have a place in your heart, but it seems like it is time for them to move back with their parents. Prolonging things (while giving you as much time as possible to care for them as they should be cared for) is just fucking with your brain. And that's not fair for you or Duane.

And WTF is up with agency-director-lady? Damn, I would so be kicking her ass. That's stupid. Just- GRRRRR.

Anyhow, I hope you had a lovely weekend. Love the tarrrghey pajama pants- too cute!

Io said...

Oh Tar-jay, how I love thee.
99 cents for wine!? Dude, it can't be THAT bad! heh. Ok, may it could be. I hope it's good though!
I'm sorry about the whole agency thing. I hope this whole bs ends soon.

Emily (Apron Strings) said...

I'm still having a hard time understanding the new case manager's logic ... one would THINK that having gone thru a successful IVF, she would be a little more ... I don't know ... sympathetic?!

Anyway, YAY for Tar-jay and dollar store purchases!!