Friday, July 25, 2008

One long friggin post

I have to work backwards and start with a beautiful sight I watched 5 minutes ago.

D was rubbing little girls' back ( OK, I used to LOVE having that done when I was a kid and I'm afraid we got LG into the habit- It's just so soothing and oh - the human touch, so powerful) and he fell asleep- sitting upright with his hand on her back and leaning against the ladder of the bunk beds. How I wish my camera was working.... It was really quite beautiful and touching. I tried to speak and wake him up - each time my throat closing, getting completely choked up. I gently kissed him on the forehead and he woke up and went to bed. He is amazing, I'm feeling lucky.

Once we picked up the girls this evening we went to a great Irish pub, not far from our house and heard my all time favorite U2 song - The Sweetest Thing and found myself a little weepy especially after we made friends with the group next to our table.

This lovely lady introduced her husband and adopted adult daughter. At first, I was like - man, that's kinda harsh - she's your kid, you don't need to say she's adopted, but whatever lady. I introduced D and the girls and said these are our "foster daughters". Lovely lady's eyes welled up with tears and she clasped my hand in hers - "That is how we got our daughter!" I think people's paths cross for a number of reasons. In this weird way, in lovely ladies weird way- she brought me peace and comfort. Ok, anyone thinking of that song lovely lady lumps after hearing lovely lady so many times?

Why was it ok for me to say "foster daughters" and not ok for her to say "adopted daughter"? Anyone, anyone? Bueller? I felt like I had to make the differentiation because our girls are going back next week- possibly (see below for details). I don't know? Maybe I'm just over-analyzing and hyper sensitive.

Back to the song...

The lyrics are moving and I love that Bono wrote the song for his wife as a birthday present.

Sweetest Thing

My love, she throws me like a rubber ball(Oh, the sweetest thing.)
But she won't catch me or break my fall.(Oh, the sweetest thing.)
Baby's got blue skies up ahead. But in this, I'm a raincloud
You know she wants a dry kind of love.(Oh, the sweetest thing.)
I'm losin' you, I'm losin' you
Ain't love the sweetest thing?
I wanted to run, but she made me crawl(Oh, the sweetest thing.)
Eternal fire, she turned me to straw.(Oh, the sweetest thing.)
I know I got black eyesBut they burn so brightly for her I guess it's a blind kind of love.(Oh, the sweetest thing.)
I'm losin' you, I'm losin' you
Ain't love the sweetest thing?
Ain't love the sweetest thing?
Blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl.(Oh, the sweetest thing.)
You can sew it up, but you still see the tear.(Oh, the sweetest thing.)
Baby's got blue skies up ahead But in this, I'm a rain-cloud,Ours is a stormy kind of love.(Oh, the sweetest thing.)

I dropped the girls off this morning and whilst D and I are adamant about presenting a united front, he had to be on his jobsite at 7:00 AM this morning, the exact same time as our drop. So I went by myself and scared out of my ever-luvin mind.

Big Girl had to use the bathroom once we got to the drop off point and birth parents pulled up as we were walking toward Coco's. Birth mom jumped out of the car, little girl ran to birth dad, little girl watched mom and Big girl walk away toward Coco's and started screaming (heart crushing at this point). I grab Little girl and explain to birth dad that I will take little girl and all the girls will go together. Coco's would not let us in, though they were 2 minutes away from opening and Big girl is doing the pee pee dance. Big girl looks at me to do something - screw it birth mom, you once again missed the boat. I take the lead - grab little girls hand, big girl grabbed birth mom's hand and we march over to Carls Jr to use the wc. While BG and birth mom are inside LG and I are singing 10 little monkeys and laughing. Birth mom comes out and looks sad watching us and for a moment I experience a bit of sadness and fleeting compassion.

As we walk back across the parking lot to the cars, the following exchange occurs.

BM - We found a place to live

K - Oh, that 's great, so, you found a job?

BM - No

K- Ohhhh. Have you applied for jobs?

BM - No because I don't have my GED

K - Holding back tears at this point. Well, obtaining a high school diploma will really open doors for you and it is a chance for you show the girls that you are committed to your family as well as being a good role model for your girls to finish high school and become college bound.

I saved the best part of my day for last -

Are you sitting down? I hope so, that would be uncomfortable to stand and blog. I met Emily today!!!! It was fan-tab-u-lus. She is just every bit of sweet and kind that you would expect from reading her blog.

Our conversation, from the moment it began, flowed so effortlessly and with such great ease we both decided that it felt like we have always known each other. Our day was spent chatting away and because we have more in common than IF the day was so enjoyable along with being therapeutic and cathartic.

The car ride home gave me time to think about how grateful I am to all of you out there for your friendship and caring comments. Blogging has really given me an outlet for my love of writing and a way to express my emotions. The friendships I have made blogging is the icing on the cake and in my opinion - the icing is the very best part.


Jules said...

For everything you have done for the girls, and now for their own mother, you are the most awesomest person in the world. :-)

YOu know I hate U2, but now that I've read the lyrics I like that song. But, that's how I've always been. I always like songs more once I read the lyrics.

Barb said...

That song is so sad, but I have always loved it.

Bri said...

I agree with you on all accounts. I also think "adopted daughter" is kinda harsh. There really shouldn't be a difference. "Foster daughter" I don't think was inappropriate because 1)they may be going back with thier birthfamily and 2) it would have been strange for you NOT to say that becuase of the odd way she introduced her daughter. Again, I love reading your story. You write so well and I really admire your strength and courage! Thanks for sharing!

Amanda said...

I HATE it when people describe children as adopted.... usually that's something I see relatives / friends of adoptive parents doing, more than adoptive parents themselves so that is really bizarre. I also see the foster / adopted distinction and think foster is more acceptable, but I try to avoid using that when I can, as well.

They are BOTH my daughters, no matter what the hell happens from here on out. So that's what I call them whenever possible. Oooh, sensitive spot for me, you think?

Thanks for sharing.